Why Borderline Personality Men Stalk, Follow, or Obsess over Some Women

Disclaimer: This post was written many years ago after some intensive introspection. Be assured it no longer applies to my present self. I leave this up for people to identify the same thinking in themselves. And for others to point out why it’s wrong. Please be thoughtful if you comment.

If you’re looking for a BPD guy that has ever stalked, followed, or obsessed over a girl you’re in the right place. I hate to admit it – because many blog readers are female – but I’ve been guilty of stalking behavior, usually unbeknownst to the women I followed. I also find the thought of voyeurism interesting and arousing, especially when it pertains to women I’m obsessing over. Before everyone vomits and calls the cops, let me offer a few reasons why BPD men might stalk and obsess. To be clear, these are not cop-outs for poor behavior. Instead, it is just the way in which BPD males think and justify their actions. No one really wants to stalk another person. It’s not a positive thing to do with one’s time. Sometimes, though, emotions and clouded thinking get in the way of better judgment and bring out the worst in otherwise decent people.

All stalking behavior emanates from some form of rejection. I’ll detail one that is particularly upsetting to men: sexual rejection.

Feeling Powerless Over One’s Sexual Desires

This sounds like something out of a Tony Robbins sex-esteem workshop 🙂 . That aside, I – and many other men – sometimes feel powerless over our own sexual desires. When I was in college, for example, I was surrounded by many beautiful girls. Of course, I wanted to start a relationship and have sex with them. Unfortunately, either because I lack the social skills, physical appearance, or confidence necessary to seduce ANY girl at will, these sexual desires turned into sexual frustrations.

Some men like me feel helpless to satisfy our own basic needs. We see a hot girl, want her, but can’t get her because we don’t measure up to her standards. What then do we do with these feelings? Do we say “Oh, heck” and forget about it? Or, do we bottle them up and obsess over the woman, somehow hoping that things will turnaround and go our way?

If you have BPD, chances are you bottle them up and get even more frustrated with each subsequent perceived rejection. Of course, this sounds all very narcissistic. Walking around thinking that you have the right to sleep with any girl you see is a selfish thought. At the same time, it can make many men feel desperate because they will never feel sexually gratified. Sexual rejection hurts as much as social rejection.

To use an example from recent times, think about the man that stalked ESPN reporter Erin Andrews. He followed her from hotel to hotel, using cameras and spy equipment hoping to catch her naked. Unfortunately for Andrews, he actually succeeded. Then, when this guy was caught and revealed to the rest of the world, it was clear to me, at least, why he did these disturbing acts.

He was a middle-aged insurance executive who wasn’t married, but did have a fiancee. To be blunt, I’m 100% positive his fiancee didn’t measure up to Andrews in terms of looks. He clearly felt hopeless because he knew he would never, EVER have a shot at sleeping with Andrews. His looks, lifestyle, personal connections, or social status precluded him from meeting her. Essentially, he was using extreme means to gratify his need to have some sort of sexual encounter with a very attractive woman, which part of him knew would almost never happen.

In some respects, this is why men enjoy pornography, strippers, and prostitutes: if they can’t get it for free, they will pay for the opportunity to ease their sexual tensions and feel like they seduced a “9” or “10” into bed. Andrews’ indirect rejection of this man – and countless millions of others who lust after her – made him do absolutely crazy things that ultimately ruined his life. He was later fined over $10,000, ordered to prison for 2.5 years, and given 3 years parole.

Men like this and those that have BPD can’t swallow rejection, especially sexual rejection. This turns normal guys into stalkers who will break the law, ignore common decency, and even risk losing everything they worked for in order to feel accepted and satisfied.

Have I ever felt sexually rejected? Absolutely. How did it make me feel? Hopeless and desperate. A part of me realized that I may be stuck with overweight, unhealthy, boring women because I didn’t have the ability to land a “10”. That realization is very damaging to the male ego, and probably produces many cases of infidelity in marriages. Remember, the guy isn’t “cheating” because he occasionally has lustful thoughts about another woman: it’s when he consummates these feelings by ordering a call girl, having an office fling, or hanging out at strip clubs that otherwise decent guys become adulterers.

All this means that BPD men have to find an emotional mechanism that lets them get past lust and into a more healthy, realistic state of mind. Sorry, 99% of the guys reading this post will never sleep with a hot bikini model because you don’t measure up to the 1% of guys that would be appealing to her.

I’m still at a loss for finding ways to get past sexual frustrations aside from stalking, following, or obsessing over women. I want to feel powerful in a powerless situation. Attraction happens at all levels, but can become a pathetic plight of selfish, sometimes illegal, behavior when allowed to take over one’s mind.

50 Replies to “Why Borderline Personality Men Stalk, Follow, or Obsess over Some Women”

  1. All men obsess, stalk, rape, and/or follow women because it is required that men be aggressive and chase women away, especially if the woman is cheating with another man and that she doesn’t want to commit to him.

    1. Rape, stalking or any other behavior that ignores the other persons desires is never ok. Therapy is needed when these desires show up.

    2. Only men who are not emotionally healthy do that. Men with options not only have a life, but they can understand social cues and know how to deal with rejection. Trust your gut, girls, and pay attention to the men you’re dealing with! Those men who are intense from the beginning, have no hobbies, try to read into everything you say, try to control you and follows you around = RED FLAGS!

  2. How about channeling those feelings of frustration into an effort to improve yourself? Start a regular workout plan, enroll in classes to advance your career, read and learn new things to improve your mind.

    Also, how about realizing that women are people too instead of seeing us as status symbols, sex objects, or numbers on a ratings scale? How about basing your self esteem on something other than landing a “9” or a “10”?

    Be an interesting, well-rounded person who wants to contribute something to make the world better in this life. Think about what you can offer to and do for others, instead of just focusing on what you want. Real happiness comes from finding and working to advance a worthy cause, not from self-gratification.

    Adopting this sort of attitude will make you much happier, and vastly more attractive to women.

    If you want different results, you have to do different and change yourself.

    Guys with an attitude of selfish entitlement, who see us as targets instead of people and only think about what they can get from us, are a major turn-off.

  3. As you can probably guess, the name that I put is not my real name. I was actually online searching for reasons why a guy in his 40s (much older than me) who I used to be friendly with decided to follow me wherever I went and come by my house. A few of my close friends have given me some reasons but nothing close to what your page has to offer. I know many will probably disagree with me, but I am grateful you wrote this because it helped me figure out my dilemma. It now makes sense to me why this guy decided to stalk me: He is old, unattractive, I gave him the time of day but he knew he would never be able to be with me so he wanted to “have power in a powerless situation”. So thanks, your article has been of great help to me.

  4. Hey. Let me comment. I had a man follow me for a year or two and in reality, all he did was hurt ME. He made ME feel rejected, stupid and unwanted, like I was just some silly game to him. I never understood his motive. All I know is he didn’t care about me after a one night stand. He never Called even though I pursued him multiple times at drunk parties. So after the one night stand I was done. he needed to pursue me. Instead, he never called, never asked me on a date, never delivered flowers. He just followed me around and ran off when I wanted to actually STOP and talk to him. Right. His selfish actions HURT ME. I now understand his motives and really I thank you for this blog. I just needed to understand it really.

  5. I wanted to feel powerful in his sitation that made me helpless. SO I STARTED following him back, just to “show him how it felt!” HA! He had rejected ME by never calling, remember?

    he also had a girlfriend, I found out, and I was very hurt that he didn’t care to date me, and instead made HER his girlfriend while following me around but never actually dating/sleeping with me.

    So the problem is, the borderline thing could all be in your head. You are not rejected. You just aren’t trying. You are not PURSUING the way women respond to or WANT TO BE PURSUED by you. Does this help?

  6. The whole thing was fucking crazy! We should have just gotten our kicks out of each other, dated, done the deed a million times that summer, then moved on, got rejected by each other and got over it, whatever, etc.

  7. Stalking is wrong….no matter what. Jade made the most intelligent comment, Jake the most idiotic and reactionary. Women arent objects, we are human beings. Seems only unattractive men have a right to expect every “hot” female to jump into bed for no good reason except no strings attached sex. Hey, you said you yourself, are unattractive!! So look in a mirror before passing judgment on whether this woman or that is a 9 or a 10! Are YOU? And why is that the only criteria for being with a woman? SO shallow, self-centered, immature, and HYPOCRITICAL. Get a life! Realize that women arent here to cater to men, nor vice-versa. I feel sorry for Erin, and for that loser’s fiancee….not HIM. He doesnt deserve that lady’s love. Women arent targets, we arent props for a man’s ego, we are people. Jesus! No wonder guys like that are unattractive…nothing to do with looks, its the entitled narcissistic mentality that is a turn-off, as Jade states….along with creepy and dangerous.

    1. Hi Sherise,

      Thanks for your comment.

      My blog was an attempt to explain a potential psychological motivation behind the behavior. I in no way, shape, or form condone it.

      You are correct, women are not objects for men’s selfish desires. If a woman isn’t interested, that’s it, the guy must move on or figure out if his behavior towards women precludes him from having an authentic relationship.

      Stalking is indeed dangerous behavior, and it should not be treated as a bad emotional reaction from a jilted lover. Stalking requires some degree of premeditation, planning, and execution. Therefore, it is a step way beyond feeling rejected: it is feeling rejected, then wanting to get even. THAT is the problematic thinking.

  8. Hi all
    Seems to me just another example of men using excuses to act like creeps.
    Society even gives men the reason to do so, and then goes easy on them when they do.
    All that baloney about their sex drives being higher and harder to control than a woman’s? Codswallop!!
    That’s just another lie a Man thought up to tell other men, AND women, and now down the ages you all believe the lie so much your excusing yourselves for it.
    You CAN control your sex drive, you can channel the energy into other things, sports, exercise, hobbies, interests, and here’s a whopper, PHYSICAL WORK!!
    By the time you finish exhausting yourselves, like worrying about stuff other than yourselves, you will be too tired to even think about how much sex you do or don’t get every minute of the day.

  9. On a more serious note, I have had very extreme stalking situations and not just by men, it was women too.
    My ex ex invited that bullshit into my life and I still came out on top. You can’t be me, you can’t have me. The end.

  10. This blog is the biggest crock of shit I have ever read. Feeling that you cant sleep with a bikini model (boo hoo) has nothing to do with borderline. I can guarrantee you the stalker you mentioned was also harrassing his fiance, accussing her of having affairs and striping away all sense of self esteem she had left so he could stalk with out question. ( i hate you dont leave me !! ).

    If your so hung up and sleeping with a 9 or 10 I suggest you talk about it with your therapist and do some growing up. This is the type of crap I expect to hear from sexually immature people, that have given themselves an excuse to cover for their lack of maturity

    Girls, they arent stalking you because your unattainable ( sorry to burst the ego bubble) They are stalking you because they have mental health issues and by trying to make you feel proud of being stalked through a little ego boost is just another tactic of manipulation from the BPD.

  11. I fully agree with you Croc,pure logic without emotional mist it helps one to see and extract the motive behind.
    If stalker wanted to ask you girls out it would have, the more likely outcome is that he/she doesn’t Want to, as however would you remaxin a part of their fantasy of loving being ignored and yet take such a pleasure in being rejected at the same time.
    Your existence is nothing personal to stalker,To him is all about self-reflection and you are just court in his (perverse) fantasy. While ‘punishing’ you for rejecting him, his reward is in his masochistic pleasure, while on surface he massages your fragile ego so that he can have a green light for more.
    Find out what motivets him and burst his bubble. So long as you don’t get involved with him/her, you are always on top;be it by teasing his fantasy or letting him go.

    Consider yourselves lucky to be without and just imagine what would your life be like in relationship with someone so screwed up.being hated and constantly violated by demands of a memtaly ill who by definition can’t love.

  12. Thanks so much for your infinite wisdom croc and alice. It seems to me that a ‘wallflower life’ is the way to go but the life of a stalkee just isn’t like that because we know. Knowing the difference between obsession,hatred,sickness and love is also not very difficult for most of us too. I think it’s a matter of broadening your insight to this issue is more important than your current attitude is towards what we are going through. We didn’t invite this disgusting behaviour (obsessive stalking) into our lives, but here ee are.

  13. Tiffany, you have my deepest sympathy, be gentle to your heart and don’t abuse it. And than, he want border you any more.
    Someone once said:”We accept the love we think we deserve.”

  14. A few things really strike me
    Maybe this isn’t the thing you feel is important about your personal attractiveness and of course don’t lnow you
    But you are apparently not lacking in enough intelligence .
    Maybe a sense of balance with your attributes as working on your physical appearance and valueing other strengths .
    It seems like your attracted to impress others rather than thinking what can be healthy for you. Nothing wrong with wanting to feel an attraction. Is it only looks ? Do you want anything more than superficial?

    1. Hello,

      Thanks for your comment. This post was a hypothesis for why *some* men stalk: sexual rejection. I realize it sounds very superficial, as if sexual attraction is all that matters. Imagine two people are ideal mates, EXCEPT one doesn’t find the other arousing (maybe he/she is overweight, wrong hair color, too tall/short, etc)

      I say that because stalking – in absence of having (or previously having) a relationship – is purely superficial. The stalker is stalking an idea of someone, not the reality of who they are. Yes, they might be pretty or handsome. However, the stalker doesn’t know them beyond that, and instead focuses merely on the failed physical attraction.

      The stalker has no understanding of boundaries and appropriate behavior. You’re right, they lack a balance in their life. I liked this sentence:

      “Maybe a sense of balance with your attributes as working on your physical appearance and valueing other strengths .”

      At this point in my life, my physical appearance can be no better: I’ve lost weight, been in the gym for 2 years, and keep a short haircut. Maybe I could dress better 🙂 and act more confident.

      Your point about valuing other strengths is important. There is certainly more to getting and keeping a relationship than looks (although people overly focus on it). Intelligence, character, dependability, empathy, insight, unique interests, etc all make relationships worthwhile in the long run.

      A physical attraction alone is usual short lived, barring some other spark.

      I wrote that post many years ago. Then, it was a reflection on myself when I was much younger. Now, the “sexual rejection” idea is just that: an idea. I don’t think it holds water, if only to further discussion about this unhealthy mindset some people develop.

  15. Reading your comments it pose a question to me; is it sexual rejection more arosing to you then a supposed accomplishment of having sex with the person you chase and if not would you lose interest in that object of desire once you attained it? Do you feel that if you do sleep with her that your expectations of her should be dissapointing or that you can not live up to it, such as different styles in life, mind sets, class etc and therefor imagination is far better as it doesn’t offer dissapointmems, is manageable and certainly last as long as you wish it to be? Pls unlighted me… I have a stalker who seems to chose any opportunity to hurt me ( stalking me lately with his wife occasionally) while other times he behaviours he is deeply emotional, border line in love with me, which only leaves me angry and confused. Since ignorance seems to turn him on, I have adapted new approach of indifference which will hopefully make him lose an interest in me
    There is an element of fear in it, the longevity and the intrusion, the unpredictability that is wors then the stalking itsself, hence where my anger comes from.

    1. Hi,

      “Sexual Rejection” means one person doesn’t find the other attractive. My original thesis was simplistic: beautiful looking people date other beautiful looking people. It’s less common to see a model date a plain, overweight guy. Cynically, she might only do it if he has money. But that isn’t a real attraction. I’m talking about being truly excited by another human being, not liking them for material purposes. This is somewhat ironic if I’m talking about appearances, but I grant that.

      In retrospect, I probably should have called it something different than “sexual rejection”.

      Your first question is brilliant. I don’t think the rejection would be more arousing than the realization of the ultimate desire. I think the goal is to be with other person, regardless. Being rejected early because you simply “don’t have the body” or “bad skin” or are “ugly” is painful. It makes people feel powerless and unworthy.

      It means no matter how smart, cool or talented you are, your attractions are limited by physical appearance. Beyond getting into great shape, coloring gray hair, and getting plastic surgery for minor flaws, not much can be done about this.

      Stalking is a way of regaining control of the uncontrollable. It is an incorrect reaction to reality. So yes, imagination is much better. Beauty gets the beast. But I honestly don’t think it would be over if she actually felt the same about me. I would be happy it worked out!

      Let me be clear: Your stalker is playing a dangerous game. He is not only hurting you, but has recruited his wife to help. That level of obsession goes beyond my adolescent fantasy. Please be careful. Call the police and get a protection order. Your anger is understandable given the level of his perversion.

      My post was an attempt to explain why average looking men might stalk after a beautiful woman turns them down. They can regain control by violating the bounds of acceptable behavior. They go from reality into unhealthy fantasy. I’ve never gone to illegal or dangerous extremes like your stalker. It was something I internalized, bothered me and needed to change with deep thought, therapy and acceptance.

  16. Croc – I love your reply. I have been told my current partner stalked three exs that I know of and harrassed a few young women in his last job. I have been with him for 10 months and I’m starting to think he has mental health issues. I love him and I just don’t know what to do 🙁 he took a ‘fake’ overdose after one failed relationship. He cheated on his girlfriend so what did he expect? He has cheated on many exs but assures me I am the love of his life, he’s changed and wouldn’t ever cheat on me cos I’m the best! Help!! X

    1. Hi Sunny,

      Please be keep your guard up. Encourage your boyfriend to seek treatment if he gets out of control.

      If his history of mistreating women and erratic behavior is well established, it’s not likely you’ll be the first he treats right; especially without him getting treatment first.

      I realize that’s very pessimistic. However caution is warranted. Don’t ignore warning signs. Of course, if you feel comfortable AND he is improving, give credit where it is due.

      If things really deteriorate and get ugly, get a protection order (or restraining order) depending on your location. It’s wonderful to care for someone, as long as you are being loved, honored and respected also.

  17. Thanks for your reply. I care for him but he doesn’t seem to think he has a problem. When I’m upset he says he thinks I am depressed and need help! He thinks that all of his behaviour is okay. He has loads of female friends and always wants to keep exs as friends. He thinks its okay to have lunch with them and flirt and tells me I’m insecure! His ex said he should stop if he’s serious about me but he refuses. Tells me I’m the love of his life then initiates drama until me and a female friend of his fall out. Him and his mate laugh saying I wonder if they’ll have a bitch fight over you! He’s 56!!! I must be the crazy one to stay with him! X

  18. “I’m 100% positive his fiancee didn’t measure up to Andrews in terms of looks.”

    when you don’t know how someone looks, it speaks volumes about your personality
    don’t try to assuage your guilt with this post.
    you only care about the physical dimension of existence, you need to learn to look past the physical plane of existence.

    1. Yes, it was a very superficial assessment. I was taking a shortcut to making a larger point about this woman’s stalker: perhaps he was more obsessed with looks.

      I disagree regarding my guilt. In fact this post was cathartic and DID assuage guilt. It led me to a better place, because writing out speculation about another’s predatory behavior made me question my own thinking. For the record, I neither condone nor excuse this man’s terrible behavior.

      I think “the physical” is a component of existence. I do appreciate more behind the physical. For the purposes of this article, the physical was all I could focus on. Discussing anything else would have been inefficient, since I did not believe this man’s obsession was anything more than physical.

      This post was written years ago, I leave it up for reflection and occasional comments. Thank you for your thoughts, they are appreciated.

  19. I guess you don’t care how the victims feel. It’s the absolute
    worst feeling in the world to be stalked by a mentally ill person.
    I’m married with a family, but he does not care.. It’s sickening!

    1. Hi, I absolutely care about the victims.

      I wrote this to explain devious behavior. It doesn’t excuse it or rationalize it. Writing this entry was cathartic and helped me think about why a BPD person, like me many years ago, might do it.

      I’m very sorry this is happening to you. I urge you to get a protective order against your stalker. Tell law enforcement and trustworthy friends and neighbors whats going on. If time permits, speak to someone about managing the stress and taking care of your family.

      It’s not your fault, I hope we’re clear about that. Please be safe, eventually this person will go away. Do not give them the time of day.

  20. I was trying to figure out a psychotic woman who stalked me for close to a year and have concluded she is a borderline. I am a woman and the stalker is a sexually confused loser — as in divorced, working in minimum wage jobs despite holding a Masters degree, no energy, no personality, no life, no friend….I befriended her only to quickly ascertain how insane she was. Once I figure it out, I ended the friendship, leading to months of stalking, spying, boundary violations until law enforcement intervened. I suspect she is a lesbian as well — rejected by men and with many gay friends — she tried to forge a relationship with me, a heterosexual woman and got coldly rejected. I suspect the dynamics are similar — rejected borderline, whether male or female, is inclined to stalk.

    1. Dear Lois,

      Thanks for your comment. I think you’re right. BPDs tend do this, with varying degrees of socially acceptable behavior. Some won’t physically stalk, but will constantly ask mutual acquaintances about your life. Others will follow you on social media, if applicable. It’s absolutely a boundary and control issue. Usually it subsides with time. Be careful and keep your guard up.

  21. This is interesting that so many people will lie to protect monster named Timothy Gillum who is given support by law enforcement.

  22. Quick question :
    What good is a protective order ? Anyone a lawyer out there ?
    I actually gave my number to someone in a fast food joint during which time I had just been home visiting my actual family and was dressed in shorts and in a good mood.
    The person has since called, texted, pulled up next to me in grocery store sticking his head at me, and generally lives in a car yet the state agency finally got him a place. He admitted to me that he had been released from a mental hospital after staying 3 years, hat he’d always been a trouble maker,and when I looked him up saw that he had been arrested for narcotics previously in the 80’s. He smells like sh*& and is the only person in town who would ever give me more than the time of day. (rural town in CT, very suspicious people) At first I thought he was hired to stalk me by a crazed woman, but I don’t really think that anymore. He sends jargon texts a mile long that have no relevance to the current situation or time. He is literally crazy and to him, he has a relationship with me. How can I block his texts and calls without getting in trouble ? I need my phone and my phone number. He knows what I drive and what town I live in. The man actually thinks I care to hear everything going on in his life. HELP what a nut !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. There’s no other way to say this…to the author, you are sick. The fact that you would even write and publish a blog post like this is just sick. I happen to know more than one male suffering from BPD and they do not stalk women or see women as objects. They may become very depressed after a breakup, and may cry and beg the ex to come back, but stalking, and obsessing over celebrities and random attractive women…no. You actually sound more Narcissistic than anything else, if you ask me. Are you sure BPD is your diagnosis?

    1. Hi, did you read the entirety of the post and all my followup comments? Yes, BPD is my diagnosis. I fit some criteria not mentioned in this post.

      I was attempting to offer an explanation for BPD stalking behavior. I was NOT describing what I feel is appropriate, reasonable or “normal”.

      You should also review how people with BPD react to romantic rejections. Some do indeed become severely depressed, I was one of those.

      Some will threaten violence, suicide or self-harm as a way to control their former partner. This is typical of many low functioning BPDs dramatized in many movies.

      I was simply trying to reason through a toxic set of emotions. Something many people do not do in their lives, ever. For the record those feelings have been relegated to a mental filing cabinet. The post is years old at this point.

      Finally, I was making a nuanced attempt to explain an unhealthy form of male attraction. Like it or not, men objectify women until they know them better. The reason men approach, date and seek sex is because they find a woman attractive. We don’t date with bags on our heads.

      Let’s not resort to personal attacks in a discussion setting. Somewhere else on the web, there are people who gleefully write about stalking others and possess no remorse, insight or explanation for their behavior.

  24. Id like to share my experience of how i felt and still struggle with after being friends with a man who was obbsessed with me.
    This man i thought was a friend, ive wised up, and will never allow him back in my life.
    I lost track over the years of our friendship how many times this man would try it on with me, he would make sexualised comments quite frequently and in public quite loudly. It left me feeling disgusted, violated in a way. we were waiting for a bus the one day and he said quite loudly why dont you come and sit on my lap.
    I was in a shop with him and i was looking at duvet sets, his brother came into the store and he said quite loudly how did you find my bed last night? id like to point out if i ever stayed at his house he would sleep down stairs and i would have the bed.
    After the last time id fallen out with him over his behaviour i remember him saying he had been watching my face book account whilst we had not been talking. That unnerved me.
    The last straw was when we had gone for birthday drinks and he followed me upstairs to bed and tried to kiss me.
    I lost track how many times i told this guy we are only mates.

  25. Men need to get a grip. There are women every where you go. And depending on your preferences or lack there of, you will find many women if not most women to be attractive in some way or another. This does not mean you have to pursue them otherwise you will be chasing women (away) for the rest of your life. Your sexual frustration is steming from your delusional thinking. Just because you find someone sexually attractive does not mean the feeling is mutual. Either the feeling is mutual or it isn’t. The way you feel about ending up with a woman you don’t find attractive or want to be with is the same way a woman who is not interested in you feels. You are not entitled women you lust after. You can admire a woman for her beauty without lusting after her. Its a choice. If I chased after every man I thought was physically attractive with the goal of having sex with them in mind I would suffer narcissist injury too because realistically those men are not put on this earth to satisy my own delusional lust. They might not find me attractive, they might be in love with someone else, they might not want to be intimately involved with someone they are not in a relationship with, they might only want to be intimate with someone they no in love who don’t look at them as a prize to be won or a piece of meat to be devoured by a pig who is only going to chew them up and spit them out. Consider the fact that most women only want to have sex with a man that they are in love with and married to who is not only physically attracted to them but loves and cares for them and that realistically for 99 percent of the women you encounter that man can’t be you.

    1. Andrea, thanks, this is a good comment.

      You correctly point out the reality of attraction, relationships and the way the world works.

      Some men don’t understand the concept of boundaries. This is generally true for both both sexes regarding BPD. It becomes toxic in social relationships, whether casual or serious, real or imagined.

      Part of any recovery from mental illness (BPD is no exception) is restoring a sense of truth, reason and how the world works. Fighting against any of these only prolong the individual’s suffering, while everyone else carries on.

  26. Thank you, Admin, for your insight. I’m glad you were able to reflect on your own actions and see something wasn’t quite right. A lot of people don’t do that and instead blame everyone else. Some of those people are in this very thread.

    You clearly stated that was how you used to think. Are people really reading your post or just eager to scroll down to the comments and call you all kinds of names? They clearly have issues of their own they have yet to reflect on. It’s no wonder a person can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. How is a person supposed to open up when people will attack them for being honest?

    I’m glad to hear about your progress. Despite how you thought in the PAST, you sound like an otherwise decent human being. Thank you for sharing.


  27. The psycho stalker seems to be unaware that the person being stalked is a person too. That person is now scared when turning every corner, when going to sleep, when going anywhere really. When they’re alone in their home and hear a sound, they assume it’s their stalker and are immediately terrified. You’re ruining someone’s life because you cling to a silly diagnosis and act as if that behaviour is okay because you have a mental issue. Guess what? The stalkey might just develop a mental health problem of their own thanks to you! So before you stalk people and act as if it’s no big deal because you have a disorder, just remember that you can and should check into a mental institution and save the rest of the world from your crazy ass.

  28. Disgusting. No wonder it’s usually unattractive men who do it; they are frustrated because they can’t get laid so that’s what they end up doing. If someone doesn’t like or want you, believe that person!

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