Point and Counter-Point: BPD Is Selfish Evil

Point: BPD IS Selfish Evil

If I divided a paper into 2 columns and wrote down things I’ve done wrong in one column and negative things that have happened to me completely beyond my control in the other, I’d have to say the former category (my own misdeeds) would dwarf the list of random evil.

While BPD does not entirely comprise my inner-self and soul, it certainly takes up a lot of space. Many would say I’m nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing. BPD is evil to the core, completely self centered, and very narcissistic. People with BPD excuse their outrageous temper tantrums with irrational logic and emotions far beyond the spectrum of the “normal” population. In this respect, it may appear to others that people with BPD are using their diagnosis of mental illness as a cop-out for their own evil behavior, always acting like a victim opposed to a victimizer.

After all, we are all ultimately responsible for our own behavior. As someone diagnosed with BPD, sometimes I see myself as a destructive force in occasional moments of clarity. I am manipulative, short tempered, moody, violent, and extremely difficult to live with. Most of all, after exhibiting these types of behaviors, I expect others to forgive me and move on, as if it is possible to forget an emotional hurricane that has destroyed all semblance of human relations.

Think about it. If you’ve been on the receiving end of a BPD tantrum, you probably walk away hysterical, angry, or some combination of both. The BPD has flipped out on you, directing all their feelings at you as if it’s your fault and your responsibility to accept. In reality, it’s not your fault, although the BPD will make it very clear through desperate acts that it is. The straw that breaks the proverbial “camel’s back” sets off a nasty chain reaction that puts you in direct aim of volatile emotional artillery.

Then, there are suicidal gestures. Someone you know and love who suffers from severe BPD has no doubt talked about – or attempted – suicide. At the very least, you’ve had to help them deal with their self mutilation, which boggles your mind because you can’t understand why the BPD is hurting themselves. You find it very selfish of them to act in this way, constantly draining the emotional reserves of other people in order to just feel “OK”.

When faced with someone with BPD, their selfish acts boil down to evil that is sometimes beyond reproach.

Counter-Point: BPD IS NOT Selfish Evil

I suffer from BPD. It is an extremely painful condition and gets in the way of every aspect of my life. My intimate relationships with people have a pock-marked history of great moments and horrible disasters which I can not explain. I get angry and very depressed and I don’t always know why. It’s as if a rabid feeling of rage comes over me and I lash out at the nearest person. I don’t mean to do it. It just happens because I feel so empty inside.

There were times in my life when I felt abused and neglected. My parents used corporal punishment – even for the most minor problems – making me fear them. Instead of looking to my parents as loving role models, I felt like I was living under authoritarian rule, where their word was law, even if they were wrong.

Other times, I was psychologically abused. People bullied and teased me in school, taking advantage of me. This destroyed my self esteem and made me come to hate myself because others saw no value in me. Is it any surprise, then, when my anger and pain boils over into a violent rage? Everyone gets mad at me, why can’t I be mad back at them? Don’t I have a right as a human being to express my emotions?

When I cut myself or suggest suicide, I’m not doing it to seek attention or upset others: I am doing it as a cry for help because I know no other way of expressing my pain. It’s not my intention to appear narcissistic or selfish. To the contrary, I act like a desperate person because I AM desperate. I fear abandonment more than anything else, and abandonment is the result of someone else’s actions, not necessarily my own.

Putting an “evil” label on my head is not fair. I have suffered at the hands of others and am permanently damaged. My expressions of emotion – however appropriate or inappropriate they are – come from an abyss inside me that needs loving, validating attention from others. This is why I seek therapy and intimate relationships, even if I blow up at my psychiatrist or partner.

Just because a car has a bad motor doesn’t mean the car is necessarily responsible for evil acts. It just means that the car needs extraordinary patience, understanding, and expert repair.

If I were truly evil, I’d choose other ways of expressing my emotions instead of BPD. BPD is the condition of a lost, deeply hurt soul. It is NOT the condition of someone who seeks to hurt others.

Point or Counter-Point: What do you think?

10 Replies to “Point and Counter-Point: BPD Is Selfish Evil”

  1. I do not believe that people with mental illness are accountable for all their actions. When you hurt so bad on the inside because of painful memories (that you had no control over) come back into the forefront of your thoughts, is your fault the only relief is to feel physical pain? When you are a child do you have control over what adults do to you or how adults treat you? Is it a schzophrenic’s fault they hear voices?

    1. Thanks for your thought. But do you know how it feels when you are in a relationship with a BPD? If not you will never be able to realize this! My boss who was also my ex gf was BPD. Total 18 staffs worked under her. Before breakup she forced me to leave the job and almost all the staffs were /are being abused by her. Few days ago 3 of my ex co-worker visited me and all of them shared their experience. They just said how someone can be that much cruel? All the male female staffs are always afraid of her. As in our country unemployment rate is too high therefore they are not being able to switch the job and are being abused every single day. During breaking up with me she said that she will not marry me because I had stolen her money (500 taka = just 6 USD). After 4 years of relationship with her I was really really surprised hearing this! On the same day she also slapped me twice and also kicked me twice. Now my realization is that I passed my 4 years inside the FOG. I feel ashamed of my own foolishness.

  2. I somehow landed here at your blog after bloghopping for a bit and WOW, this post is an eye-opener. I see myself in a lot of your scenarios. I completely understand what you’re saying though. Most of the time I feel like a complete shell of a person and then as quickly as it comes over me, it leaves until next time. I don’t understand it and it’s exhausting always trying to find the answers. Anyway, great blog;I’m bookmarking it and I’ll be back to read more 🙂

  3. I found this while looking for inspiration to stay away from a BP ex-bf.

    The relationship lasted 2.5 months and I broke it off 2 weeks ago. Since then I’ve vacillated between, “He can’t help it” to “BPD is evil” based on what I read and whether he’s contacted me with nasty texts.

    He’s never been diagnosed with BPD, although it’s very clear to me that he must have traits if not full-blown BPD. I never told him what I suspect and he’s never mentioned it himself, of course. Which means he doesn’t know, nor can he get help for it. I’ve told him before he needs to go back to counseling (he has combat PTSD which he blames everything on) but he just said it doesn’t help.

    I think that BPD becomes evil when the person doesn’t realize how he’s reacting is very abnormal and doesn’t get help to control it. It certainly becomes evil to the people who care about them and becomes the target of their frustration and unrealistic expectations.

    I don’t believe BPs are evil. But to people who may be trying to get over being in a relationship with a BP, thinking of it as “evil” is very helpful.

  4. Sorry to here your parents were strick and you got picked on at school. My parents relationship was very volatile and my father was very abusive to my mother and me and my sister. I was as picked on in school. My sister suffers from BPD, my older sister was extremely abusive toward me all throughout childhood. We no longer speak, she stalked me for about a year after I stopped speaking to her. I get the feeling she still stalks me sometimes. I can tell you personally that she enjoyed abusing me and she still enjoys torturing other. She is a evil human being, I have no doubt about that. She is at present day staying with my mother and touring her, my mother calls me all the time in tears and having chest pains. I feel no sympathy for people who abuse others to make themselves feel better. You say others harmed you, but you Turing around and harming innocent people like others hurt you. You do this knowing who it feels. I feel that makes you worse then the people who harmed you. I hope you stop harming others. I wish you luck

  5. While I do understand that BPD is extremely hard to cope with and hurts a lot I still hold the firm belief that mental illness does not excuse abhorrent behavior. You have to learn to control your bouts of anger and selfishness and not just blame it on the BPD. I have chronic depression of the very extreme variety and I feel like shit constantly and I don’t really have energy to do anything yet when I’m around others I put on a facade so i won’t ruin their day. Others dont deserve to suffer because of our mental illnesses

    1. You’re correct, people should manage their mental health problems. They shouldn’t be other people’s burdens. I believe those who make a sincere effort to get better, but occasionally have bouts of depression, anxiety, and anger need some compassion. Those who do not care to change and still expect others to tolerate these emotional extremes should be encouraged to get treatment.

      I would be careful about maintaining a facade. It may help you interact with others, but can be self-defeating in the long run. It’s fine to say you’re feeling depressed and need help. It’s good to reach out to others and be honest about how you feel. Burying the depression and suffering alone can make it worse. You likely expend substantial amounts of energy to keep up a positive appearance. Yet feel exhausted, lonely and misunderstood in your darkest moments.

      Again, there is a difference between being open to others and seeking help versus taking advantage of others and expecting them to accommodate bad behavior.

      Good luck, hope you feel better soon.

  6. I’ve a history of dating BPD. I am an INFJ male that attracts BPD women. It’s the lack of empathy, cold calculation, lack of boundaries (lack of maturity) coupled with selfishness that gives them a sense of evil. Key word here is their lack or having low empathy plus comorbid that sets them apart.
    They are exciting and fun, at the apex of living life in the moment, and I can handle their push/pull tactics (or insecurity) by knowing my own strength and weakness, but it’s their cookie cutter “grand finale” that, besides destroying someone elses social life and painting me black (the evil one) to me makes them have a stamp of a scarlet letter, and learned my lesson now by screening for maturity before I invest in a one sided relationship again. I feel their inner pain but it’s they projection to me that’s bothersome. Possible insight… Google DES Daughters and see how new research sheds light on a mass epidemic issue.

    1. I’m an INFJ personality type, I own a rich, complex, Pan-like, inner world, and I’m my own best friend… I cannot empathize with chronic emptiness…I cannot imagine it… so I’m stuck attracting bpd… but I have a shield now, power of no. INFJ …a curse and a blessing.
      I mean no harm, maybe an insight or two.

      1. Hi Perseus, I wrote this blog years ago. My feelings and insights have understandably changed with time. That said…

        I am also INFJ. Hope we’re both talking about Meyers-Briggs. For the record, I wouldn’t put too much stock in this test. It’s better for assessing how people will work together in a business setting. Take a Big 5 personality test instead. Answer all the questions honestly. You’ll get a much more accurate picture of yourself.

        I too, have a very rich inner-world due in part to introversion, anxiety and an active imagination. This is a blessing for creative work, inventiveness, insight and big-picture thinking. You probably work better alone. You likely connect with people in more intimate, small-group settings opposed to large rollicking parties and clubs.

        And yet I wonder, then, what a need a BPD woman/man satisfies? The curse of the inner-world is that you often fail to meet outer-world needs. And they can’t be neglected too long. I specifically mean human connection, emotion, touch, sensory stimulation, sex, intimacy, etc. Otherwise you’re living in a pleasant simulation.

        My guess is a BPD partner sucks you out of this place because only their intensity can. I would actually steer clear of any more BPD partners. Instead, talk with a counselor or therapist about yourself. You might be overlooking somethings. A therapist will steer you in the right direction, offering you insights and guidance about meeting your needs without taking on the stress of a BPD relationship.

        Finally, I assume your BPD partner is either untreated or early-treatment. This personality disorder can be managed with a serious commitment to therapy, DBT and self improvement. This process will take years. Also, it’s worth noting BPD symptoms decrease with age (generally late 30s onwards). For now, avoid anyone with BPD unless they are years into therapy and/or happen to be in a group therapy session.

        Group work would actually be very helpful for you, too. It will get you out of your head and into the present.

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