Monday is Clean Apartment Day

On Mondays, I typically plan to clean my apartment from top to bottom.

I do the wash, wipe down the bathroom, kitchen, and windows. Then, I thoroughly sweep and mop the floors.

I don’t have a particularly large apartment, so this process usually takes a couple hours.

It is a good way to get off my computer and to do something where my body is moving around and stretching.

The BPD part comes in with the actual cleaning process: Though I really enjoy the feeling of accomplishment after all is done, during the process my mind will find itself in bad past memories, negative self talk, or attempts to be a perfectionist floor sweeper.

I need to learn that things can be fine without doing them perfectly. Although I am smart enough to know that true perfectionism is not possible, I still hold myself to a high standard when completing any task in life, and sometimes this gets in the way of simply doing something for the hell of it.

These perfectionist tendancies got in the way of my enjoyment of music, where it seems nearly impossible to play an instrument at a high level without doing it flawlessly. Herein lies the problem: to play an instrument (such as a trumpet or piano, which I did in my younger years) at a high level you must master the music to near perfect standards; while at the same time, being perfectionist tends to ruin the joy of actually learning the piece of music at hand, and tends to create negative self talk if mastery is not achieved.

Sometimes its simply hard to be happy…

More on music and perfectionism later…………