Soon to be 29 – Single/Depressed/Empty BPD Male

LOL 🙂 Imagine if you saw that entry on eharmony.com – you’d probably run for the hills. That brief line sums me up, however, pretty well as far as dating site tag lines go.

At 29, I’m not sure how to measure myself or my life. I’ve been putting on weight lately, stopped excercising, go through ups and downs, and continually battle my BPD and Diabetes constantly. I really wish things could have been different.

When I entered and exited college I sort of thought I had a plan for my ensuing years, but so far, the life I’ve led is nearly completely opposite those expectations.

I’m not living near home, I’m not married, I’m not really dating, I’m not climbing the corporate ladder, I’m not a home owner…. the list of what the average 29 year college graduate expects NOT to have goes on.

To be fair, the world is a rapidly changing place, and its not the 1960s anymore, when marriages occur earlier and families get started right away. Nowadays, some career oriented women and men are waiting to have kids, some as late as their early 40s, in order to better secure themselves in the world. Also, if I get to that age and am still single, it might be possible to date a woman in her mid 30’s who is ready for a family, but also looking for a man with security – financial, emotional, and otherwise.

This strategy makes sense, and is probably the way things are going. As a result, I don’t feel so bad being unmarried and childless at 29. In some ways, this is an advantage.

As I look around here in Central America, I see many young women, some just 18 or 19, already with a child. They work hard all day for meager pay, and have to drag a kid around with – but most of the time WITHOUT a Husband. Some marry early and start families right away, only to find that they are incompatible as a couple later on. The result is usually the grandparents end up babysitting their grandchildren while their children re-adjust and find themselves in a stable living situation again.

I think a lot of my angst has to do with what expectations I was raised with, and what reality is. I tend to live in two worlds: a fantasy land where all is perfect, and reality, where everything is almost never what it seems.

Living outside the USA has opened my eyes to a lot of struggles that you don’t see when you’re raised middleclass in a small town in the Northeast. It’s given me valuable perspective on different ways of living one’s life, even if it seems at times these ways go completely against the expectations I had when I was younger.

So Happy Birthday Male BPD ( almost an April Fool’s child, hehehe that makes a lot of sense 🙂 ) Here’s to another 29 that are eventually BPD free and happier.