Today I made up for missing my Monday “clean apartment” day and got up earlier than usual to take care of my chores.
I also went to the bank and waited patiently in line for about 40 mins to straighten out some minor issues with my account and also procure a security card for electronic transactions. These were things I was putting off, and today I just decided to do them.
Even more exciting was a surprise jump in my penny stock portfolio. Now I know what you’re thinking – a problem gambler probably shouldn’t be playing penny stocks.
Turns out, I was right on this one stock I currently own. News came from the government that the Department of Defense secured a grant for the company medical team to work on treating traumatic brain injuries.
This sent the stock price up 5 cents, which to some sounds like nothing, but when considering the fact that it opened today at 32 cents, this is a huge leap. Accordingly, my portfolio jumped up as well.
I was ecstatic and hooted and hollered for nearly a half hour around my apartment. My landlords probably felt that I needed to be committed again 🙂 but all the excitement was justified.
Tomorrow, things on the market could be different: day traders might sell off their holdings, (called profit taking) and this will lower the price per share. So, perhaps my celebration lunacy is premature.
The one thing I keep in the back of my mind, however, is that BPDs tend to reach high emotional limits on external stimulus, mostly because they don’t have a solid emotional core inside.
Yes, it is fine to be happy that you had a good day on the stock exchange, but if on another day the results were bad, would it still be possible to sustain a happy sense of self worth?
I am so excited at the moment that I will have to take some Klonopin to settle my mind before I go to sleep. I’d like nothing more than to feel this way for the rest of the week, but that nagging reality of BPD always remains.
It is far better to feel good inside, for better or for worse, than to rely on things you can’t really control to regulate your moods.
Food for thought I suppose….