Feb
18
Why?????
No matter what stage of talk therapy you are in, this is the inevitable question that comes back to the BPD patient. In the polarized world of BPD, where black and white categories rule thinking and classifying, the question “Why did I get this Shit BPD to deal with?” always comes to mind. Atleast to my mind…
The double whammy for me is also suffering from Type 1 Juvenile Onset diabetes (no, I am not over weight, never have been, Type 1 is different from what your grandfather might have).
Why is my life story the struggle of dealing with both physical and mental illness? If there is a reason for it, let me see this reason.
If there is no reason for it, I still ask why, because ultimately there is some sort of reason for everything.
Some people dismiss it to their faith or God, putting themselves in the hands of a higher power.
For me to do that, I’d have to admit God gave me these handicaps in the first place. Doesn’t a loving God want the best for all us? Why would a loving God give people illness, wars, disease, famine, and injustice?
In American society, in particular, we love winners. Who’s tops? Who’s the best? Who does it faster? Who makes more money? Who is more famous?
American society, however, doesn’t have room for those cursed with mental illness, and/or other physical handicaps, because this group of people is naturally not at the top of the heap. In the views of some, those with physical and mental illness are a burden to society.
So, as my life goes on, and I see people making their millions, walking the red carpet, or setting another sports record, I will continue to struggle to get up each day. I will have to shrug off my thoughts of worthlessness and depression, and happily go about the duties of life. I will take my meds each day, and do whatever I can to get my mind in a good chemical balance.
Meanwhile, while society is crowning its champions, those of us given shit to deal with will be on the sidelines meds in one hand and Psychiatrist’s phone number in the other.
What purpose does this serve for the greater good of others, my family, or myself?