Borderline Personality Blog: Healing – Coping – Improving

Welcome to an exclusive club: In 2012, between 1.6%-5.9% of the US population was estimated to have BPD. Meanwhile roughly 0.4% of the population had diagnosed Type 1 Diabetes (using 2012 total population). That number is actually higher when accounting for undiagnosed cases.

Having Type 1 Diabetes is easier if your mental health is in order. Likewise, as difficult as BPD is, having good physical health improves treatment outcomes.

Both at the same time? Well, now you have an epic silent struggle on your hands.

While the stigma of Type 1 Diabetes is decreasing, it is still quite high for those with BPD. Having BPD is hell on earth. Suicide rates approach 10%. Few people will care to help you. Like Type 1, it is a self-managed condition, in conjunction with a superb therapist. Marsha Linehan’s DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is noted as efficacious psychotherapy, while some meds can decrease comorbid feelings of anxiety, depression and poor mood regulation.

Is Mental Illness Common with Type 1 Diabetes?

First, it’s important to note many Type 1 diabetics will experience depression and anxiety in their lives. That doesn’t mean they have BPD. Rather, it is collateral damage from the stress and demands of managing chronic illness. Incidence of depression, in particular, is more common among those with poor glucose control. That said, these conditions are fully treatable and beatable.

Throwing BPD into the mix complicates things: the sadness, rage and emptiness of BPD make managing Type 1 a herculean task. Why bother pricking fingers, taking insulin and eating healthily if your world is falling apart? If you just want to die? If you feel misunderstood, alone, dejected and miserable?

In 18 years with Type 1 and 14 years with BPD, I will admit it: I pondered overdosing on insulin just to end it. And who would know? At least I went out due to physical illness, not some perceived character defect. People would feel bad: “He had diabetes…”. Opposed to angry: “He was a manipulative, awful piece of sh!t…”.

These feelings have dissipated as both my Type 1 and BPD management improved. Both conditions require taking immense responsibility for your life, relationships and health. You don’t have to “get there” on day 1, just realize that’s where you’re eventually headed.

Type 1 is best treated one finger stick at a time. When your numbers approach normal, you will experience mood improvements. If my BG is 51, I’m irritable and incoherent. If I’m 251, I feel depressed and miserable.

But at 101, my body is back in the game. I don’t feel physically stressed, only my BPD remains.

How Does My BPD and Type 1 Diabetes Present Itself?

At present, my Type 1 is in good control, my overall physical health is excellent and I continue treatment for BPD.

The cost of taking greater responsibility for myself, however, has been increased sensitivity to healthcare providers offering constructive criticism, making objective observations or pushing me to improve.

BPDs can be thin skinned, and I’m no exception. This is compounded when a physician makes the *slightest* offhand remark, like “you’re too low at 2 PM”, “you take too much insulin at dinner”, or “your A1C is only above-average, we have some patients with better control”. ENOUGH! It’s like I’m being burned alive!

Here’s a good example in dialogue. I use an insulin pump, so “bolus” means taking a fast acting insulin dose.

Doctor: “You’re bolusing 26 times a day, that’s a lot higher than average…”

Me: [immediately taking offense inside, because it felt like an attack] “Well, I should talk to my shrink about that, I might have an OCD problem. I’m on that thing more than my cellphone.” [smirk, snide joke intended]

Doctor: [awkward grin] “I’m concerned you’re stacking your insulin, producing lows later on in the day. Fast-acting insulin lasts up to 4 hours in your system. Frequent boluses might lead to up-and-down glucose readings. Your CGM shows some swings.”

The doctor wasn’t outwardly upset at my remark, but I realize it was out of line. She was only trying to help me, but my emotional sensitivity got in the way.

A week later I went to individual therapy. I caught myself doing another BPD tactic: pitting healthcare providers against each other.

I recounted the same dialogue to my therapist. At first he asked if I should apologize. I didn’t feel my doctor took much offense. Even after my odd remark, our appointment was routine and cordial. Eventually I confessed I felt maligned, that her comment was unempathetic. Now I was playing victim, when nothing had happened. After a few minutes my therapist was still trying to make sense of it, questioning what I got out of going to the diabetes clinic. Voila! BPD manipulation, victimhood and projective identification in less than 10 minutes!

Therapy has taught me most physicians mean well. It is my BPD that conjures these dramatic emotional reactions. Had I raged, insulted the doctor or burst into tears, I would have made an apology.

This is BPD small ball, an improvement over many years of therapy and introspection. For some, the same comment would have sparked a much different reaction.

How Do Others With Type 1 Diabetes and BPD Present Themselves?

I’ve never met anyone else with Type 1 and BPD, so the following are from various medical journals. In general, the authors paint a gloomy picture of the Type 1 Diabetic BPD patient.

1. She doesn’t take care of her diabetes and blames others for it. Codependent spouses might be blamed for not taking care of the Type 1’s prescriptions, glucose meters, etc.

2. A1Cs are out of control. Metabolic Panels, Cholesterol tests, etc. out of normal ranges.

3. Patients refuse to follow medical advice, not because it is bad advice, but because they’re having a personality conflict with the provider.

4. Appointments are frequently missed and canceled. Office staff spend inordinate time taking care of BPD patients, coordinating and enforcing office policies.

5. Patients jump from clinic-to-clinic after a blowup or feeling offended. Arriving at a new clinic, she states, “I know you’ll be the best doctor I’ve ever had.” (Victim-Rescuer Dynamic)

6. BPD patients do not follow rules and expect special treatment. Full medical records are requested “STAT”, opposed to a 3-7 day wait most people experience.

7. Nasty complaint letters or phone calls will be made against the physician’s office.

8. Healthcare providers are pitted against themselves. The psychiatrist will get one story about the Endocrinologist; the Endocrinologist will get another story about the psychiatrist. The therapist is stuck in the middle. 🙁

Some diabetes clinics will actually “tag” a BPD patient’s file, so they know to be prepared when he/she arrives for treatment. This is for their own sanity, because they know the interaction will be more emotionally charged than normal.

Read more:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder and Diabetes: A Potentially Ominous Mix
2. Treating Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder in the Medical Office

Is there hope for people with Diabetes and Borderline Personality Disorder?

Yes. I sincerely believe there is hope and improvement for anyone battling both of these conditions.

I started this blog calling it an exclusive club. That was an objective compliment, because it is a rare combination. Of course, I’d rather be rare for different reasons than my health problems. But give yourself a break: these challenges are well beyond what most people face.

If you’re worn out from both conditions, start working on one first. Personally, I think diabetes is easier and more approachable. It sows seeds of structure, responsibility and management necessary for BPD treatment. With better BG numbers, your physical health, energy levels and mood will improve. Next, sit down with a skilled psychiatrist and therapist for the tough work coping with BPD entails. DBT groups, psycho-analytical group therapy and applicable meds for depression and anxiety will help.

Realize your rarity means most people will never understand your struggles. Furthermore, that few doctors will have experience with both conditions at once. Accept – for now – that progress will be slow and hard fought; but it will be worthwhile.

Finally, don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Set reasonable diabetic and therapeutic goals. Anyone who is telling you to “snap out of it and eat better” is grossly misinformed and ignorant. This all takes immense time and energy. Don’t defeat yourself at the outset with the expectation of feeling great – physically and mentally – in a couple months.

Find qualified health professionals and cut them slack. They are doing their best. So are you. Sometimes emotions run high on both sides. Therapy will provide insight and coping mechanisms so that productive healthcare relationships aren’t ruined.

Feel free to ask questions in the comment section below. Good luck to everyone.

Comments

8 Responses to “I have Type 1 Diabetes and Borderline Personality Disorder”

  1. Anonymous on November 7th, 2015 8:25 am

    are you able to get good health insurance through your employer?

  2. admin on November 8th, 2015 11:00 am

    Hello,

    I live in the USA, working as a self-employed individual. I can buy insurance from the Federal Healthcare exchange, a state exchange or directly from a private insurance company.

    I fortunate enough that no subsidy is required. For those that require assistance, they must either use a state exchange or federal exchange with Medicare.

  3. Katie on May 17th, 2016 7:10 pm

    I just wanted to say it is refreshing to hear from someone with Type 1 and BPD. It’s good to know I’m not alone…I am struggling massively with control but now I can see there’s some hope

  4. Murray on August 2nd, 2016 1:44 pm

    As the father of a daughter with T1D and BPD, I want to thank you for creating this blog and resource. Finally someone understands.

  5. Julia on August 8th, 2016 4:01 am

    Same, as the mother of a Type 1 and BPD 18 year old daughter, diagnosed after massive depression last year she dropped out of school, never tests her BG, sleeps all day, wakes up to lunch around 5 then binges all evening and night, only speaks to us if she wants food or clothes or money, is supposed to be on medication but only takes it erratically and won’t see a therapist except the psychiatrist for the medication. It is a living hell for her and for us but thanks so much for your blog and giving some insight and tiny bit of hope.

  6. Anonymous Denver BPD 2 on January 12th, 2017 12:47 am

    Did you know BPD was invented by a woman who had been hospitalized for a year during high school and who was constantly suicidal including after she created the treatment? According to her very public life story a few years ago it was only after she had a religious experience that she got better.

    She is also super clear that the main reason the treatment works is the skills training but also mostly because it gives the therapists the support they need to work with “demanding difficult” clients. Thankfully most people with BPD eventually out-grow it and DBT actually can help as well

  7. Anonymous in Michigan on April 11th, 2017 11:50 am

    I’m both a type 1 and a borderline.
    60 years old now…excellent A1C of 6.0
    no known complications…never been a difficult patient in therapy or endos office.

    I’ve been through DBT…but just getting older is mellowing me out. Stay strong! artificial pancreas is on its way!!!!!

  8. admin on April 14th, 2017 7:15 am

    Hi Anonymous,

    Thank you for your comment. That’s a superb A1C. I imagine you’re an old pro at this point. It does get easier with age.

    Stay strong!

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