I HATE having Type 1 Diabetes

Did I ever mention how much I hate, how much I loathe, how much I despise having Type 1 Diabetes?

For those who don’t know there are two types of Diabetes Mellitus: Type 1 Juvenile-Onset and Type 2 Adult-Onset. Type 1 is characterized by the body’s inability to produce insulin. I treat my diabetes with a pump. Others take insulin shots throughout the day. Type 2 diabetes is characterized by the body’s inability to produce enough insulin. People with Type 2 must follow a careful diet and take oral medicine to help regulate blood sugar levels. No shots are required unless your control deteriorates.

No matter what type you have, IT SUCKS. Diabetes adds tremendous unwanted stress to my day.

Some examples:

1). I have a 1:30 meeting. My blood sugar is 260, running high. That means I’ll need insulin to lower it below 150. My body needs 30 minutes to absorb and process a shot. Unfortunately, my meeting starts before then. Now I have 3 choices: I can be rude and bring food to the meeting, be late or eat afterwards. The tricky part is ensuring I don’t have a low during the meeting if I miss my meal. All I want is eat and go, just like anyone else. Lunchtime becomes a science experiment and needlessly stressful.

2) I decide to relax behind the TV after a long day. I was distracted while taking my dinnertime shot and realize I’ve overdosed on insulin. A sudden low is coming on. When this happens, I feel shaky, dizzy, see stars and look drunk. Psychologically, I feel irritated and absent to my surroundings. My shitty day just got worse. Untreated lows can be life threatening. Yet again, diabetes ruins my relaxation time.

3) My friend and I plan to walk for an hour, then find a Cafe for a meal. 20 minutes into our walk, we bump into coworkers, who invite us to hike through the park. My friend says I should be spontaneous and join them. Unfortunately, I can’t be spontaneous when it comes to unplanned exercise. I already took insulin thinking I would be eating at a cafe, not hiking up a park hill. If I go anyway, I risk an insulin reaction caused by the sudden exercise. Now I must delay all my friends while I eat or refuse to participate entirely. A normal person could happily change their plans, but my diabetes creates a socially awkward moment and unwanted attention.

Diabetes also embarrasses me in the bedroom.

Attractive Girl: What’s that weird bandage near your stomach?

Me: It’s my infusion set… it is a device used to put insulin in my body because I’m diabetic.

Attractive Girl: My grandpa has diabetes, but he doesn’t have that.

Me: Your grandpa probably has Type 2 diabetes. I have Type 1, which requires me to regulate insulin manually.

Attractive Girl: Why don’t you take shots?

Me: That’s why I use the pump. It gives me a constant flow of insulin throughout the day. I can take additional insulin with meals.

( INTIMATE MOMENT RUINED BY SCIENCE LESSON! )

I almost never have a girl in my apartment. When I do, I want it to be special. Inevitably, we must have the “diabetes talk”.

Type 1 diabetes also affects sexual performance. If my blood sugar is too low or too high, I can’t climax. In some cases, I’ve had to stop having sex because I’m going low. I wind up running to the refrigerator for some Gatorade. It would be comical if it wasn’t so sad. Yet again, Diabetes ruins a pleasurable moment.

The regimented lifestyle, constant blood sugar tests and careful diet create constant stress and anxiety.

If I was stranded in the woods without insulin, I would be comatose within 7 days; probably dead within 15. If I happened to be rescued on day 12, the extended period of hyperglycemia could result in permanent disabilities.

What do I want others to say? Every medical and psychological professional tells me the same thing: “You can howl at the moon, but your diabetes is not going to disappear”. I HATE THIS RESPONSE. Tell me something I don’t know!

Yes, I can live normally under certain conditions. I need access to medical care, insulin and pump supplies. I need to eat whenever. I need some semblance of a daily routine. If in a social situation, I might have to dictate plans instead of going with the flow.

Most of all, understand neither poor behavior nor bad habits caused this disease: I got it by SHIT LUCK.

Remember, my pancreas is part DEAD and yours isn’t. That makes all the difference in the world.

Updated for clarity July 30, 2015.

213 Replies to “I HATE having Type 1 Diabetes”

  1. HI I feel you on the diabetic mess. I hate it also. I hate all the shots, check, ups, downs, highs lows and cannot eat this or that. To much of this and that! I hate it too. I have had this dead silent killer for one year. Still not use to it and I am still not excepting it as I have it for the rest of my life. I will do all I can to get back my life. I am will to do what ever come my way to be able to make Love out of this world to my Loving husband. I not have to worry if I can make Love and make myself and him happy as we use to do. I will give ll I can to find a way to be my old self. To leave this life as what I have become is really getting me down so low I can not even speak of it never to talk to anyone about it. I am very tried. And for any one who says they are living with it and have excepted it they are telling a lie. I will fight with all my might to be my old self. Until the day when it wins and takes my life….

  2. I’ve had type one for almost 7 years now and you know what gets me the most? When people say, “You can’t have that!” or “Are you sure you can eat that? I don’t think so!” I feel like punching them in the face. Yeah, I know I don’t eat as healthy as I should, but hello I’m still a teenager. It just makes me have no respect for them, because they have no respect for me to make my own decisions. And it makes them look extremely ignorant in my eyes, because after all, I’M the one who has this, I’M the one who has to live with this, NOT them. I know they “care” about me, but when you barely even know me, don’t tell me what I can and cannot eat. It drives me crazy. But diabetes is pretty much…terrible. The End.

    🙂

  3. The thing about Type 1 Diabetes that’s so frustrating for me seems to be the ever constant tediousness of it. It has got to be one of the most tedious of most common serious conditions/diseases, most of which involve therapy that is constituted by taking pills, or even other more complicated procedural functions, at a much lower frequency. Honestly, your subconscious becomes effected… for me, I can’t ever feel truly, TRULY, relaxed and normal. There is a constant threat that your entire body’s and mind’s state of being are going to be thrown out of whack in the short term, often simultaneously adding to a growing tab of longterm damage that could end up with your eyes gone, foot gone, dick not working as well, etc. etc. etc.

    Even on a good day, when I have seemingly tight control, I can’t help but have an ever present conscious/unconscious fixation on when my sugar is going to go too high or too low.

    I’ve had this for over six years and I’m still so bugged when people tell me I can’t eat something. While I appreciate the concern, I can’t help but feel almost insulted at the same time. A diabetic can theoretically eat anything, as long as they take the proper measures, which for certain foods involve more than others. Regardless, I have this disease, I know what I have to do, and in almost all cases, have taken the proper measures. Thus, I am bugged.

    My doctor’s have always told me I have remarkably good control of my Diabetes. The saddest thing about this is the fact that my life STILL feels SO FAR from “normal” that it’s just discouraging sometimes. (“Is THIS as good as it gets?”) The truth is no, because you can always be tighter, but it’s just exhausting frankly. (Random info: I actually don’t use a pump system, but am becoming more and more open to the idea).

    Travel is so much harder, I feel you there, so much more to think about. Vacation can become worse than the everyday grind since the risks become much more numerous and and more probable.

    Just grow me a working pancreas already, and stick that shit in me! Hahahaha…. If only that statement was even halfway legitimate.

    Has anyone ever caught themselves wishing “If only I had asthma, or ADHD, or (semi-comparable life-changing condition besides Type 1 Diabetes).
    It’s fucked up, but I went through this still even after three or four years, and it’s only now beginning to disappear.

    Interestingly enough, after getting diabetes is when I got more involved in electronic music production. I’ve had about six years delving into that too. (Check website for a myspace music profile (still under construction).

    Glad to have found an online vent for this stuff. Leave a post for email, if desired, hopefully I can get back to you.

  4. I got to your website by just typing the words “i hate type one diabetes.” That’s the kind of day I’m having and it made me feel better to read what you had to say. God! And I totally understand the ruining an intimate convo with a science lecture! For once, I just want to go out with a guy and not have it come up! Just once.

    Feel free to email. I am always looking for people to vent with.

    I hate diabetes!!!!

  5. This shit sucks, I’ve had it since I was 2. I’m 20 now. But the worst part is, I can’t join the marines and get some with the rest of those lucky bastards out there in iraq and afghanistan, fuck man, fucken bullshit right? Oh, and also I gotta worry about the day when I can’t get wood no more cause of the fuckin complications, so I gotta stay on top of this shit like a motherfucker, can’t have me out here knockin on skirts with a limp dick right? But I’m hangin in over here, I aint gone yet, not for awhile.

  6. Yeah it’s fucked. It’s 1:18am and I’m awake because I had a low whilst sleeping and can’t get back to sleep. The hardest time for me is when I have final exams each semester. What is already an intensely stressful time is made lot worse tring to manage this other shit. Your scenario with the meeting happened to me last semester, but instead of a meeting I had my final for advanced mathematical economics. I opted for having a little bit of insulin without food so I wouldn’t be so high. Half way through the exam I got sweaty and shaky and wasn’t sure if it was a low or just the stress. Ended up being at 2 (i.e. approx 40 for those in the US). The moral of the story, diabetes is fucked. It makes normal activities stressful, and stressful activities really fucking stressful.

  7. I’m right there with you man. I’ve been diabetic for 18 1/2 years. I was diagnosed at age 3 and my first memory is at the dr’s watching my parents learn to give injections. I hate juvenile diabetes.

    I am really happy to know that I am not a freak for contemplating worst case scenario events (ie, kidnapping, hurricane knocking the power out and flooding the city), and being horribly aware of what my fate would be soon thereafter. I’m in college and I work as a server in a restaurant. Only diabetics can understand the worst feeling in the world, when you’re trying to do your job (in my case turn customers through tables, and serve politely and provide an excellent dining experience), and you feel the severe low coming on where you need to drop everything and chug down some orange juice.

    The american disabilities act helps, but my boss expects me to be able to fly back out onto the floor right after I get some sugar, which you know, is really not possible.

    I’m sorry you all have this disease too, it does suck. I want to be sporadic and go on random travels, but not only am I always tight for $ (strips, iv sets, continuous glucose monitor sensors, insulin, needles, etc..), I don’t trust the common stranger to recognize a low blood sugar and not assume I’m a belligerent drunk.

    I’ve played guitar and other instruments all of my life and i STILL get pissed off when one of my fingers gets sore from being stuck so many times, and I try to hold down a chord and it’s sore. It’s not unbearable, but just enough to make the reality of diabetes to slap you in the face.

    my top 3 diabetes bummers of the last month..

    1) my pump iv came out while I was sleeping. I woke up at 9 to be in class (for a test) at 10. My blood sugar was 340 and I felt like absolute shit. I no longer tell my professors that I am diabetic unless I HAVE to miss for a sick day because I was discriminated against in my freshman year by a professor. So, I gave a quick injection of fast acting insulin, got a new iv hooked up and started to school, side effects and all. about half way there I was DYING of thirst. I pulled through chick-fil-a and bought an XL diet lemonade-no ice. When the kid at the window handed it to me i did the customary “you’re sure this is diet right?” after i was assured it was i pulled into a parking spot and chugged. I couldn’t stop- I hate those high blood sugar thirsts, nothing quenches it. Anyway, the lemonade tasted great…too great. It was regular lemonade. I didn’t know at first but right after I started driving I had to pull over and was completely out of it..I had a friend come get me and checked my sugar. the monitor just said ‘high’ and I was sick ALL day, missed my class, had a bad low later in the day due to over treatment of the high. When I called their corporate office to file a complaint, they apologized and sent me a coupon for a milkshake. sent a DIABETIC a coupon for a MILKSHAKE.
    those fuckers.

    2)Passed out while cooking dinner with a friend. you know who you’re real friends are when they let you spit up red kool-aid on their jeans while they try and get you to swallow. still, very embarrassing.

    3)was in a music store checking out some guitars. My Iv tube was sticking out of my pocket and got caught on a hanger in the wall. pulled out IV and had to have ‘assistance’ to untangle my cording from the wall. extra points for having to give a science lesson to the sam ash associate.

    you don’t get used to being diabetic, even if you can’t remember ever living normally. you just go on in the hope that some day a cure will alleviate all of this unwanted stress.

  8. Hi EM,

    Thanks for your comments – everything you say is absolutely true.

    If all else fails, remind people about the Disabilities acts, AND also that you have Type 1 diabetes.

    I say this because when you tell someone “I have diabetes”, they automatically think of some old person in those Type 2 commercials that needs to eat better and take a pill. Nothing could be further from the truth for those with Type 1.

    Ignorance is extremely frustrating, and yes, I still worry about catastrophic events occuring in my life because I know that soon after, Type 1 would probably give me a miserable, extremely high blod suger, shitty death.

  9. i have had diabities type one for a year now and i hate it so much sometimes it really gets me down all me mates are going out doing wot ever the fuck they want and if i even have a drink to many or a fucking extra sandwich at dinner i worry my ass of thinkin should i check me sugars ohh no i need to keep my sugars low fuck this pancreas i might just cut it out and be done with all this shit

    fuck diabities

  10. Well I ma new to the whole type 1 diabetes thing I am 43 years old and was told one week and 3 days ago that I have type 1 diabetes. I felt like I was in Charlie Browns’s classroom ( you know the whole muh muh ma muh). I could hear him say the words but I was not able to comprehend them. I also have Thryoid issure and am taking Synthoid. Most of the symtoms I had were signs that I might be taking too much Synthroid…. So long story short my Dr called me and said my A1c score was 14.5 and tyhat I needed to get in to his office ASAP and learn how to be a type 1 diabetic. I have to hear (from EVERYONE) you cant have type 1 thats for kids. Adults dont get type 1 you have to have miss heard your Dr. I was eating a half gallon of ice cream a day and still dropping weight like crazy. I was drinking 10 -12 Diet Cokes a day nad countless bottles of water. Now the only positive I can find is I am not drinking so much. I am going to be a first time Grandmother in 3 months and am freaking out that I am going to not be around to watch my grandchild grow up. I used to be such a high energy person and now it is all I can do to make it through the day. I am a chef….. I cant even eat my own food. THe other day I was at a clients home and made chocolate pudding and the smell was amazing and out of habit I grabbed a tasting sppon and was about to taste and rememberd I am a diabetic!!!! My great grand father and Uncle both had type 1 diabetes and were diagnosed as adults. Both died from diabetes. I used to worry about getting a grey hair now I just worry about keeping my feet.
    I cant imaging you fellow type 1 diabetics that were diagnosed as young children. I dont know what worse missing things I used to be able to enjoy or never having the experience(thus not missing them in the same fashion). Oh and I can already appreciate the ignorant people. Like I said I am a chef and I told one client and they sadi well maybe we should take a break from your services and give you a chance to “feel better”. She then followed it up with are you going to have to pricxk your finger and give yourself shots? Is that safe for you to cook? UGH!!! I feel overwhelmed at times because it is too much to deal with and so much to learn. I hear you guys saying you would do anything to have your :old self” back I look at things around my house that I once loved and have the urge t osmash them to bits. I feel angry and sad and depressed. I am not used to giving myself shots (yet) and have major brusing. I guess o nthat part I am glad I am old and not overly concerned about a swim suit body. I am thankful for a very supportive husband and son. Of course they have both had their sugar tested. My son (an only child) had started to call me every morning to check on me so that is a positive. I love to hear from him and he needs to know that I am doing everything as the Dr. ordered. EXCEPT… Last night I was tired and fell asleep reading and did not take my evening shot and have been paying the price all day. Life for me changed in an instant with a phone call. 10 days of living hell and I cant imagine the rest of my life. I feel guilty for feeling so bad after reading other posts about people living with diabetes since they were 3 and having had it fo so many years. Please, those of you who have had diabetes for a while I welcome some advise and lie to me if you have to but someone tell me that it gets easier and I will adapt and get better at the shots and the blood tests. Well as you can imagine my fingers hurt from typing so much and oh its about time to test my blood and take my special vitimins and eat my special diabetic food as my family eats my cooking… Did I mention that I am a freaking chef and cant even eat my own food!!!

  11. Omg i know how everyone fucking feels!! I was diagnosed about 4 months ago and ever since then i’ve been just stressed. Especially with my health problems, whenever i see anything abnormal on my body or feel weird i say to myself “thats it, i’ve got something horrible” Being diagnosed freaked me out and opened my eyers to all the other horrible diseases out there and how easy it is to get them. Also i’m only 16, which is the age when kids get high and get drunk, and i can’t do either of those! My friends are pretty great about not asking me about diabetes but god! my teachers, family, basically any adult figure in my life will not leave me alone abnout it! And then of course whenever i meet someone new and we’re talking and we go to eat or something i have to whip out my kit and then it just turns into a pity party! It’s like wtf, i didn’t ask nor want your sympathy i just want to be viewed as a normal kid. I mean my parents won’t even let me spend the night at my friends houses because they are afraid i’m going to go low. And now the summer is coming up, who knows how many times i’ll be forced to stop doing something fun to check my blood sugar or shoot up. Oh god, and i’m not looking forward to getting out of my honeymoon phase, i have a hard time controlling it now. The future held so many opportunities for me, and now they are mostly gone. Thanks diabetes, you are the fucking best. All i hope for everynight is a cure, please tlet there be a cure soon.

  12. I need your help
    Iam 40 years ,have diabetes 7 years ago ,since 3 years i use insulin,my problem now is that my sugar never good either too high or too low also that happenes in short time.
    Iam very deppressed, plz. give me a solution.
    Thanx a lot

  13. Hi Hamzal,

    If you live in the USA, you might want to ask your doctor about using an insulin pump. These are made available by many companies, but the one I use is made by http://www.medtronic.com , also known as “Mini-med”.

    The latest version of the pump can monitor your sugar levels and coordinate an appropriate amount of insulin for your body. It does this automatically.

    I don’t use this version yet, but even the older version I use is still very helpful.

    Hope this helps!

  14. hi guys

    trust me i am diabetic for more than 2 years and absolutely hate it when people around me ask me million ? as to r u sure u can eat this when i go out for dinner or even when i can’t enjoy a drink as well because of the stress i don’t feel like going out anywhere and even my gf left me because i am diabetic and i hate it absolutely and feel like killing myself and i hate myself

  15. I just googled “fuck diabetes”. I had a complete meltdown today. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve had type 1 diabetes for 23 years now, I got it when I was 4. I get really depressed sometimes, and I mostly blame my depression on my diabetes, because no matter what I do, and how hard I try, it’s always there. Why do I even bother anymore? I can’t take the stress… I can’t seem to cope with everyday life and diabetes combined. Why do I even bother going to school, and trying to get my life together, if I’m just going to get complications any moment now? Then I find out that my insulin can cause cancer. The insulin that I’ve been injecting myself twice a day for the last 8 years or so, is carcinogenic. And the world just keeps turning.
    I’m just so fucking mad right now. I want to scream at the top of my lungs! The pharmaceutical companies have no interest in curing diabetes. why cure when they can squeeze all that money for “treatment”? WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! Those companies spend more money on over-the-counter cold medication than they spend on researching and developing cures for diseases that are “treatable”. They have the knowledge, and they have the technology. Forget it. Even if they do find a cure in my life time, it’d be too late for me. The damage is done. My eyesight will be gone, so will my legs, my kidneys, my heart. Maybe I’ll have cancer too.
    Sometimes, I just want to overdose on insulin on purpose. Sometimes, a coma, doesn’t sound like a bad option. At least I’ll get some well-needed sleep until someone pulls the plug.
    If only I didn’t have people in my life that cared about me…

    Sorry for this depressing comment. I’m at the end of my rope.

  16. Hey Maya, I can totally relate to the frustration you feel. It’s been 4 and a half years since I’ve been diagnosed with type 1 (It’ll be 5 years on my birthday).

    What I’m so sick of hearing is that the cure is coming in the near future. They keep feeding this bullshit to new patients to give them a false sense of hope.

    It was far worse when I was on the injections, but being on the pump is easier. However, it’s a constant reminder that I’m not “normal”. The things I’d do just to have a working, insulin-producing pancreas…

    I no longer play the sport I love, and I probably never will. It was my life, and not being able to partake makes me feel worthless.

    I feel like the cruel experimentation of a demented creature. Fuck you diabetes, and fuck you God!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. hello my life changing moment began in the 1970s.being hard on yourself or blaming diabetes wont help.it actually makes things alot worse.i have my ups and downs but always bounce back and fight.type1 diabetes is a handful and quite bothersome but can be controlled and things can be alot worse,have you ever saw a human with cystic fybrosis?you will be glad that you only have to check your sugars and eat when you need to.dont let medical personel get you down,they probably dont have diabetes and just get vague information at best to help you.diabetes made me quite the tough unique individual and wouldnt change it even though its a very hard job.

  18. yeah , i hear you bro. i got type one diabetes for almost 2 years now and im 15.. so i can’t even do normal thing like go to the beach with friend, go to the town pool and other activities without knowin in advance. ontop of that i have celiac disease so i cann’t eat anything with wheat in it. so i can’t even stop anywhere and eat or drink anything to get my bloodsugar up i need to buy special foods. life sucks what are you gonna do .. you tell people about it that understand and you leave others wondering. people are so dumb that they cannot even understand you and they think its ur fault , these people you tell to fuck off and u move on, well all in all this article relates to me 100% and i understand

  19. Someone said to me today “I’d rather have HIV than be diabetic”. Some people are super insensitive. Saying that to a diabetic wtf?

  20. Hi Anonymous,

    That IS a horrible thing to say, for both a sufferer of diabetes or HIV.

    Diabetes is shit. I hate it. But it’s not necessarily a death sentence. I actually find my mental illness more difficult than diabetes, although diabetes definitely stresses me out sometimes.

    Ask that person to walk a mile in your shoes (even 400 yards) and they probably would regret their words.

  21. ughh, i know how you all feel.. i have had type one diabetes since 5th grade. Now I’m a freshman in high school, and a lot of my friends have parties every weekend and get drunk then they’re telling me they’re stories, I HATE IT, because i will never be able to do that.. i have been trying to find ways around it. but it is just so frustrating. People are always saying diabetes can’t stop you from doing anything you want to do.. um yes it does!! ugh.. even when i’m in college i will have to test my blood sugar, and give a bolus. You know what bugs me the most? when people are totally clueless to what diabetes is. and theyre like what is that? and i have to explain. it’s an insulin pump.. blah blah blah, For me, it’s really irritating because i hate explaining it because then it kinda reminds me what i have to deal with, and i HATE IT.

  22. FUCK THIS TYPE 1 DIABETES BULL-FUCKING-SHIT

    Its 2:30. Im drunk as. Just checked my bloods nd its on like 20.0 . I live in NZ so dont rly know what that is in american numbers but its fucken shit in nz. Man, diabetes is fucken gay. Rite now im sriously thinkin im not living past 30… Which fucken sucks.

    SO, live for the moment!
    Take what u can when u can!
    I’m 17 now and even tho i have type 1 diabetes i try not to let it control my life… even tho it does sometimes. Fuck it.
    Drink more piss, smoke more weed, take what life gives to you.

    Honestly, when i look back on my life I’m goin 2 b proud that i did what i did, cos i know that even though my life was short, it was sweet.
    Love friends, love family, love life.

    Drink more piss, rastafarianism, Peace.

  23. Sammy!!!

    Seriously, just get drunk.
    You won’t regret it.
    Forget about having diabetes, I do when i go out.

    It’l be the best decision of your life.
    Trust me.

    (haha whos gunna trust a random on the internet…)

    but seriously, u won’t regret it 🙂

  24. I am type 1 diabetic. I am alone, no relatives. Few month ago lost my job. So, soon I will have no money to buy insulin ;-). Am I depressed (maybe a bit, but not much I guess).
    That will be nice to find someone who can buy me insulin. It is to early to die ;-). Really.

  25. I have type one diabetes too – hate it…maybe you should get one of those clinical trial things – they are working on cures for diabetes and they will test them on you free or even pay you money (to get your diabetes cured!!!) and they actually worked on lotso people. 🙂

  26. Diabetes was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I got it a year ago when I was 17 and the most depressing thing about it is you never ever get a break from it. I try so hard to control it but it ends up controlling me. For example, I ate some caramel today, took a huge shot of insulin but I’m still sitting here with sugars over 500 and feeling like total crap. My sugars are either too high or too low and I have nightmares all the time about getting complications. I would give anything in the world to be cured of this stupid never ending disease.

  27. I got out of the hospital last week because it went into diabetic ketoacidocis. According to the doctor, if I had waited much longer I’d be in a coma and probably dead. And the doctors don’t even know if I’m a type one or a type two because I don’t present like a textbook case of either. I guess type twos (which is what I was supposedly diagnosed with from a doctor a few months ago) don’t go into DKA, but if I was a type one I would probably be dead from DKA a long time ago. So now I don’t know what the hell my body is doing, and if that wasn’t enough I left the hospital feeling decently better, but horribly depressed, and with an $18,000 bill. I honestly don’t know how in the hell they expect a college student to pay that. (Thank god for insurance, but it’s still expensive.) Some days are easy, and it doesn’t seem so bad to be diabetic, but I have no idea how in the hell I’m going to live the rest of my life with it. And I’m not looking forward to dying. I feel like I’m playing poker with death and I have a really shitty hand. How do you deal with all of this? Right now, I’m terrified of going into DKA again (god it was painful), or worse, dying. I’m only 21 and I haven’t even begun to actually live, and then I’m diagnosed with this horrible disease. I really needed a place to vent, so to anyone who read this far, thanks for your time, because I know that all our time is far to short.

  28. Hi Fraggle,

    Happy to hear that you’re doing better. DKA is a serious condition and is indeed life threatening. I imagine you’ll probably have follow up visits to make sure you stop passing ketones in your urine. Also, I bet the eye doctor will want to take a picture of your eye and make sure you don’t have a retinopathy (non inflammatory damage to your eye).

    I was diagnosed on Christmas day when I was 18. My brother was diagnosed when he was 8. It’s a God awful feeling.

    I urge you to consider pump therapy if you’re not already on it, and if you’re in College or Trade School, tell your teachers during a quiet moment that sometimes you may have to duck out of class to take care of your blood sugar levels.

    If they don’t comply, they can be brought up on charges under the Americans with Disabilities Act, (if you’re in the USA).

    Take care…

  29. Hi,
    I am 18 and I have had diabetes for a year and a bit now. I hate it! I have never been so depressed in my life. I try to carry on life as though it is normal but its not. I don’t think I will ever be able to controle it!
    The worst part is that I can’t dance as career now. I lost alot of weight before I new I had it and can’t seem to put it back on. I constantly have hypo’s and when I don’t Im extreamly high and feel like shit! I do drink when i go out but its always a risk. I either get very low and end up in the meidcal room ( this has happened twice the past month) or I ed up being high and feel awful and go home. I think none of us will be able to get over how bad it can be but we just have to deal with it. I have become so depressed before and ended up over doseing. I have come to realise theres no point. I hate the doctors saying it but don’t let it rule you. I hope there will be a cure. We can only hope.

  30. so i totally understand what everyone is going through. im 15 years old and have had type 1 diabetes since i was 9 months old i dont even remember being diagnosed. being a teenager and having it is the worst possible thing to go through, its the time of sexual activity, drinking and wanting to be free. but for me, i will never be free because ill have this forever. my friends go out every single weekend and get smashed and although i havent been to a party yet due to the fear of getting in trouble because of drinking i will never be able to get drunk like everyone else. ill always be the babysitter and will not get to live a normal teenage life. it sucks so much and i really wish there was a cure, cause hey looks like im sol the rest of my life.

  31. Thank you – it is so great to hear that other people feel EXACTLY the way I do. I’ve had type 1 diabetes for nearly 12 years now (since I was 10) and today I really broke down. Normally I’m fine but it is so incredibly difficult to control and I just hate the fact that it is 24/7.

    And that no one understands. Lots of people say “just get over it”, or “at least you don’t have cancer”. Right. Thanks. That helps me when I have a BGL of 25 (I’m Australian) and I feel like shit.

    Anyway, I want to write and film a piece about this so anyone interested in helping out please email me at mahalia.traveller@gmail.com

  32. Hi Madeleine,

    Thanks for your comment, and also for the idea about making a movie about Type 1 diabetes. Many people don’t understand the disease and believe it’s no different than what an older relative might have, only requiring a Glucophage pill for treatment.

    This couldn’t be further from the truth: Type 1 is a royal pain in the ass and the fact that it seemingly appears out of nowhere continues to bewilder me.

  33. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for posting your blog. It did me good to read it as well as the responses from others with type 1. Your description of a day in the life was right on. (I was laughing in recognition.) I’m on an insulin pump too and I really fucking HATE IT! It malfunctions, replacing the accessories is tedious, and I can never go anywhere without lugging my plastic pancreas and case kit around like a dolt. Worst of all people gawk at it when it becomes visible and assume it’s okay to make blunt comments at my expense. I feel I’d have more freedom just going back to injections with pens.

    I’ve wasted entire days of my life trying to explain to random people asking random and repetitive questions about type 1 and the pump only to grow extremely irritated to the point of snapping. I’ve had people think I’ve been taking drugs or lying about having it because they assumed only corpulent people had diabetes. I’m not good at all with keeping on a tight schedule, so you can tell my control isn’t what you would call perfect. And yes, I’m better off than diabetics in the 1970’s and yes there are worse things to have (in answer to well meaning, but ignorant pals)….but GRRRRRRRRR! As sympathetic as well meaning people are, it just doesn’t click with them. It’s good to know that others who have this can truly understand. Thanks again for the brilliant blog and for making me smile knowing I’m not the only one!

  34. I’ve wanted for so long to read a person who has a struggle comparable to mine, where the struggle to survive intensifies to an extreme that no person without diabetes would ever know. Thank you so much for the insight to your struggle. I was only diagnosed with type-1 2 years ago (tomorrow actually) but it’s made my life a living hell. I was diagnosed my last semester of college and consequently lost my health benefits at the same time (turned 25). I ended up moving in with my parents to support my medical needs. Since the economy sucks, I haven’t been able to find a job with my bachelor’s degree, so I’m 25 living with my parents, struggling with diabetes daily (injections because I can’t afford a pump), working 35 hours a week and going to school again, and hating every minute. It literally has become a struggle for survival for me. To top it all off, my job requires a very stressful amount of work (broil cook at Applebees), so I’m literally drinking 2 liters of applejuice per day to keep my blood sugars up at night while I work.

    If there’s one person that all type-1s need to get behind right now, it’s Dr. Denise Faustman at Mass General hospital in Boston. She definitely has one of the top studies being conducted toward developing a cure for us (and she’s in phase 2 of the study!).

    Anyway, that sort of thing gives me hope. Until the cure comes, I’ve resolved to taking vitamin d3 and calcium to strengthen my immune system, and I keep moving forward. No matter what. Just keep moving forward.

    Thanks again for your account.

    K

  35. Hey guys i also have type 1 diabeties is it better to use a pump or to keep injecting with a normal pen?

    i also hate it because it retricts so many thing that you cannot do like other normal people.

  36. Hi Toby,

    Thanks for your comment. In my opinion, pump therapy is probably the best way to go. In the past (meaning 8-9 years ago) when I was first introduced to Humalog (fast acting) insulin, I used a pen, too.

    Now that I´ve had the pump, I´ll never go back. It helps keep you even keeled throughout the day, and you´ll notice your A1C numbers will improve.

  37. Hey it me again with a pump if you do not eat like waking up late or something would the insulin put u into a hypo and may even worse because you would be as leep and not aware of it?

    Thank you everyone that has put anything on here i have read through it and feel much better that it aint just me that is high all the time or if im not high im really low and always feeling like shit.

  38. Hi Toby,

    If you oversleep you won’t necessarily have a hypoglycemic episode.

    The pump gives its users 2 infusions of insulin: 1)A “Bolus”, or dose you take when you’re about to eat a meal, and 2) A “Basal Rate”, which is a constant, but much lower infusion of insulin throughout the day, typically higher after scheduled meal times. Insulin flows automatically into your body, and in most cases there is no need to interupt the flow manually.

    If you oversleep by an hour or so, you may not go low unless you went off to bed on the low side. If, however, you oversleep by 2 or 3 hours, you may find yourself waking up low simply because your Basal rate has been supplying insulin while you were sleeping.

    Many pumps offer what are known as “pattern” settings. Patterns allow you to adjust insulin dosages based on your foreseen daily schedule. For example, for Monday through Friday, you would use a standard pattern, while on the weekends you could set your pump to allow you to sleep in.

    Another great feature of Medtronic MiniMed pumps is a sugar monitoring device that automatically tells your pump your BG level. It requires an extra injection site on your body (but is not a permanent fixture, you just change it yourself every 3 days). This is especially helpful when you’re learning the pump, or if you are having a bad week with your diabetes.

    The best advice is to ask your endocrineologist for more information. They can set you up with a Rx for the pump and a short training course. After that – as with any Type 1 treatment – it’s up to you to maintain your sugars in a safe range.

    Good Luck!

  39. I got cha!

    Same thing,….I hate it too,…..I hate it when people say”I’m so sorry”,…like u just told them someone died!
    Or “U dont look like a diabetic”….what the hell does one look like?

  40. Hi Sam,

    Wow – a brain seizure due to a hypoglycemic reaction is very serious. Is he on an insulin pump or taking shots?

    If he’s on shots, you want to consider some insulin that isn’t fast acting. Examples: Lenti, Ulta-Lenti, etc. that give people a baseline insulin level throughout the day without pushing them too far down.

    If he has the pump, definitely review the basal rates and bolus dosages with your doctor. They are probably too high. A slight adjustment will do the trick.

  41. Every monday at this time i go low what should i do with my long term injection i normally take a 22 of levemer. Should i put it down to like 20?

  42. Hi Toby,

    The first course of action is to call your doctor about going low. If it happens on a regular basis, it sounds like he/she should be adjusting your insulin regimen. Alternatively, the doctor might suggest having a snack to put more sugar into your system.

    I’m not familiar with “Levemer” insulin. I take insulin from Lily Pharmaceuticals.

    The usual self treatment is to lower whatever insulin you’re taking by a small amount until you find a happy medium.

    Also, if you’re taking Lenti or Ultra-Lenti (Long acting insulin), you’re going to need to talk to your doctor about how to factor those dosages into your changes.

    Good Luck!

  43. When I got diabetes my. Level was at exactly
    -666- I’m not superstitous or anything, but I have noticed that this number has been folowing me around my whole life.

    I am 15, and iv had diabetes for most of my life. Sucks beyond words, I know how all a’you feel. Hate people telling you that you can’t do this, and you can’t do that. You know what I say? Fuck Em.

    Were the ones with diabetes, not them. We control ourselfs, not them. Play sports, fight to be In the army even if they say no. Don’t give up though.

    You probably wanna give up, but you can’t. Cuz if you give up then doctors and family and friends and bosses will always tell you that you can’t fucking do things in your life.

    I continue to monitor my levels for mainly one reason. So I can prove those bastards wrong. So that everyone will look at us diabetics and know that we are capable of doing anything.

    I hope that this will help anyone a bit.

  44. I know exactly what that feels like when you need to do a test and some idiot near you tell syou to go away even if you feel liek apsolute crap, ow well i do it anyway lol

  45. i feel all your pain. i was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when i was 13 and it’s crap. my first teenage year ruind by some evil disease that’s now going to live with me FOREVER! ahhhh.

    my life is ruled by it: at school i have to eat biscuits in class to stop a hypo coming on, it’s so annoying having people asking for a biscuit. if there are any school trips i have to ask the doctors when to take my insulin if i am getting up at 1am. it’s terrible.

    i know that there are worse afflictions and diseases in the world to suffer from but it’s still bad and my friends don’t really understand it.

    i feel much better getting this off my chest

  46. Hey guys I know how ALL of you feel. Ive been diabetic since 2006 and im now 18 years old. It has totally fucked up my life. Knowing that somoeday im going to die because if this stupid dieases is very stressful. And the thing i mostly hate about ti is not being able to sleep good in the night. I always seem to be low in the night I it makes me feel like shit and then i become so fustrated cause im so tired but I cant cause my my sugar is so low. It becomes so stressful that I even cry to myself when im alone to feel a little better but whats the point im going to feel it again. I cant stand this diease anymore. Everyday I hope for a cure I would give anything in the world for this horrible diease to be cured ANYTHING!!! PLEASE JUST LET THERE BE A CURE GOD PLEASE!!!! *cries*

  47. hey…
    so i was looking at something related to the topic…
    i haven t been taking my shots frequently/if at all… lately and have been at a constant high…i d say 400…i know…i haven t been checking either…my insulin is expired anyways…i don t have health insurance in the US over the summer since i m an international student here…i only get it when i m in school…i have this cut on my ankle that hurts so bad and i started panicking REAL bad since it won t heal…i suspect it s the hot humid weather since it hurts and i can feel it but i m afraid it s …that…l;sadjfl’sadjf;ladjf;jasdfljasd;j
    i m just sick and tired of it and really feel like no one can understand…i had perfect results last summer…expect i always had hypo-s and i would wake up 2 days after sometimes…one day i missed an exam in fact…and valentine s day too…”comatosed” thru it…anyways…despite my HBA1C being good because of that my doc here (fall semester) told me to lower my lantus injection and brought a shitload of stuff to change and it was all downhill from there…bad results, school stress, made me feel even worse…ensued even worse results etc…so here i am, a year later…freaking out about going blind and ………….. so…i m PMSing too…actually i have my P but it sure hasn t helped these past few days and i ve done nothing but stay home and cry and put ointment on my wound and cry…i need to pull myself together…but i might need help, won t deny that…anyone here having the same problem i have…could we maybe make contact and make sure to support each other to get our glycemia back on track? does any such forum exist? and please don t direct me to a forum for diabetics in general…i can t stand to be assimilated to people with type 2 diabetes for some reasons.
    i get “take care of ur health” from my parents but they don t know how i feel and it feels as though they don t even understand…so instead of helping me it just makes me feel like crap.
    guess i feel a tad less burdened having gotten that off my chest…
    i ll check my glyceamia! –which i know will make me feel more so depressed–but will make an injection!
    aight!
    to better health! till we get a transplant!

    *sian*

  48. just read this from an admin who posted this in Feb 2009 and started crying but laughing at the same time:

    “when you tell someone “I have diabetes”, they automatically think of some old person in those Type 2 commercials that needs to eat better and take a pill. Nothing could be further from the truth for those with Type 1.

    Ignorance is extremely frustrating, and yes, I still worry about catastrophic events occuring in my life because I know that soon after, Type 1 would probably give me a miserable, extremely high blod suger, shitty death.”

    THAT is why i said i can t stand to be assimilated to people with type 2 diabetes. i m neither old nor obese, i don t take freaking pills and don t need to “diet” as what the word “dieting” connotes and i can t get rid of it. i didn t “look” for it either…i was one of the skinniest kid in school (and we re talking Asia here so yes, skinny) when i got it and certainly not obese.
    yesterday my “host family” i guess went out to get ice cream…the father…whom i REALLY respect and appreciate…he s my sponsor, pays for my studies here and i couldn t be more thankful but he joked about them eating ice cream right under my nose…i don t know but it reaped my heart. it s stupid i know and kids are starving out there but…maybe you understand…

  49. to Toby:

    i don t think they have any explanations if not for genetics and the regular BS explanations that have to do with psychology…because they had no way to explain why i got it, just like for everything that has few scientifically relevant explanations in the medical field they blamed it on a psycho-traumatic event that occured around the time that i got it.
    so for all i know, i can blame my beloved grandpa for dying and making me so depressed i got ill…brilliant isn t it?

    good luck coping with it! up untill 14 my results were real good…i ll always remember the day i learned about it…my mum came out crying and they got me 2 stuffed animals…one is a dog and the other a forever friend bear…after each injection my mum would give me a sugar free ricola sweet or one of those flat deutsche? ones…i doubt they sell those ricolas anymore…they were quite popular back then…i want to see these 2 stuffed animals now…i feel they could motivate me…

    PS: i peed myself on the school trip before learning about it. i hadn t spilled water as i had told my classmates. never told anyone. in didn t smell of urine anyways so much water/hydrated there was/i was. dunno why i m saying this now…

  50. I hate T1 so much… :(( My daughter has it. She is 10 and was diagnosed 18 months ago. I still get enraged by it sometimes. Like when she is high pretty much whenever my mum babysits. 2 to 3 times a week on account of me doing shift work. I just threw some desserts in the bin out of my mum’s fridge. Sure my daughter eats that stuff on occasion when she’s with me but we test and bolus accordingly. Why the hell can’t my mum help my daughter to do it?? When i try to talk to my mum she gets defensive or feigns ignorance and blames my daughter..

  51. In regards to the film…

    Hi – My name is Danielle – I live in the U.S. and I have been type 1 since I was 9. I am now 33.

    My mother died from diabetic complications when she was 28. I was 6 then.

    My grandmother had one of her legs amputated before she died from diabetes almost 10 years ago.

    I could really break down and have a bitch-fest right now regarding type 1 but I will save the antics for another time.

    My background is film but I now teach design.

    I think your film should uncover the truth about the FDA and how much money they collect a year on insulin and other diabetes medications.

    I have done some pretty extensive research over the years. Seems anytime something new comes on the market that could be a potential cure for diabetes – the FDA either bans it or buys it and then discards of it. Google Diabeticin (now called diamaxol because the FDA bought it) – you will see what I mean.

    Several Scientists that have uncovered resourceful information for a cure have also been paid to keep their mouths shut or bought out by pharmaceutical companies.

    I often wondered why other countries had not found the cure yet (knowing why there isn’t one in America) But the sad truth is that Diabetes is worth billions to the health Industry and pharmaceutical companies – It is the #4 killer in the world. If there were a cure – it would put thousands of Dr’s and Pharmaceutical companies out of business and a cure would starve our government of millions in tax revenue a year that they are making off from this disease. Not to mention that the government is aware that we are becoming over-populated so why not kill people off while making a profit. Genious!

    Why does it cost $123.00 for a bottle of insulin when it costs the pharmaceutical companies around $12.00 to produce it? That is over a 100% profit.

    Long story short – If your going to produce a film – you need to go “Michael Moore” on this countries ass! It’s time that “we” start fighting back – because this is all we have left – a fight that is – because the money hungry blood sucking cash whores of the government and pharmaceutical industries have taken most of our hope.

    If your serious about this film and need help – please feel free to email me back. It’s time somebody puts a true reality film out there that uncovers the truth about diabetes and the huge profit that it generates.

    -D
    danielle.ifd@gmail.com

  52. Hi Danielle,

    Thanks for you wonderful comment. I too, wonder why people are busy raking in the cash on diabetics instead of just curing them. I won’t go as far as to say it’s a conspiracy, but more likely an outgrowth of living in a society driven by capitalism.

    To be sure, the USA isn’t pure capitalism: even President Lyndon Johnson acknowledged that there are elements of socialism in our country.

    The sad fact, however, is that the pharmaceutical business is just that: a “business”. They are here to make money, so why cure the disease that nets them such huge profits?

  53. God am I glad I found this site. Sane people who are in the real world. So fed up with all this crap from shitty doctors who tell me to do this and that. Fuck right off, how can a non diabetic possibly understand what its like to be slfeeling so shit hours into the day for no apparent reason. I hate it when I just can’t wake up, I almost landed a new job , managed first few interviews since they where after lunch and I had eaten act, last interview was at 6.30 pm straight after work and before food. I just couldn’t wake up and get with it, didn’t get the job and now I’m still stuck, can’t progress can’t do anything. I’m sad awake in the early hours after a sugar crash and eating loads of sweets typing this. So glad I found you guys such a refreshing change. Sorry for my rambling but its good to get some stuff off my chest.

  54. I’m 18, and I’ve had diabetes since last March. Sucks big time, I’m going off to college and now I have to worry about all this shit on top of it.

  55. Hi Shadow,

    That was nearly the exact same situation I was in. I was diagnosed December 1997, and went to college 8 months later in August 1998.

    It REALLY sucks the first few weeks at school. Be careful with alcohol and any other substances. Supposedly alcohol lowers blood sugar, so my advice is to have drinks with a fruit juice mixer in them (orange juice, cranberry, grapefruit, etc). That can help counteract the lowering effects of alcohol. Also, watch yourself getting high if you’re drinking TOO much juice.

    Good Luck!

  56. Type1 does not bother me, ok hypos are bad but then I get some lovely scottish tablet to bring my sugar up. I manage to keep my blood level most days and the only problem I have is a sore on my ankle that just wont heal and gets bigger and bigger, I still smoke and doctors moan at me pointing out the dangers,( but did not think to mention the dangers of aspratane) I dont drink and stopped the day I got type 1 because I have seen first hand how quick you can lose your sight with alchohol. The way I see it there are kids in cancer wards with smiles on their faces so what have i got to complain about.
    So i’ll die in my sleep or have a fatal stroke or heart attack; great way to go I think’ no point in living to and old age in an old peoples home getting abused by underpaid carers, in fact diabetis could be a blessing

  57. Type1 does not bother me, ok hypos are bad but then I get some lovely scottish tablet to bring my sugar up. I manage to keep my blood level most days and the only problem I have is a sore on my ankle that just wont heal and gets bigger and bigger, I still smoke and doctors moan at me pointing out the dangers,( but did not think to mention the dangers of aspratane) I dont drink and stopped the day I got type 1 because I have seen first hand how quick you can lose your sight with alchohol. The way I see it there are kids in cancer wards with smiles on their faces so what have i got to complain about.
    So i’ll die in my sleep or have a fatal stroke or heart attack; great way to go I think’ no point in living to and old age in an old peoples home getting abused by underpaid carers, in fact diabetis could be a blessing

  58. I no how you feel I’m 17 and have had type 1 since I was 3 years old. It does effect your life in different ways bur it’s something you have to get use to because it’s not going to suddenly go away. I just tell myself I can still do anything that anyone else can do but we’ve just got to be thay extra bit carefully.

  59. I googled people that hate having Type 1 diabetes and what do you know ….I’m not alone!!!! I have had this disease for 18yrs. My grandparents were diabetics and I helped to take care of them, so when I was diagnosed at the age of 12 I was devistated!!! My entire childhood, teenage years and now adult life has been a total revolving nightmare full of doctors, hospitals, needles and people telling you all you have to do is this or that and you’ll be fine. The world doesn’t know the 1/2 of what it’s like to live worried all the time …. My blood sugars tooo high or tooo low or your kidneys are gonna fail, you’ll go blind, neuropathy and oh yeah DEATH!!!! I’m telling you, I just turned 30 in June and to now add to my diabetic drama I now have neuropathy in my feet, some kidney damage, something going bonkers w/ my pancreas and it’s like WTF!!!! My only other cousin that had diabetes died in his 30’s, so of course I have just been awaiting this time w/ such great anticipation ….. not!!!! I have spent my entire life depressed and have tried often to just kill myself because you can’t see any hope w/ type 1 diabetes. Really where is the light. I’m so tired of seeing these commercials w/ these old farts that have type 2 and all they have to do is walk around the block and eat an apple and their fine. No matter what I do I will never be fine ….. I will always have this crap. I have never had a chance to enjoy life ….. I’m a good person and I’m good to other people, so why do I have to be cursed w/ this ….. so unfair.

  60. I’m 15 this year – diagnosed in march with type 1, six months ago.
    I’m gay (I hate that), I live with a very brain damaged person (I HATE that), & I have another autoimmune disease called vitiligo – basically it leaves me with white blotches all over my skin.

    Everywhere I go people scream ‘faggot, poofter’ at me, and the moment I get home I’m hounded by this socially insufficient braindamaged relative and his mother who also lives in my house – she’s bonkers. I can’t relax at home because my family is mental. Nothing is easy. I can’t relax out of home because I get gosh darn abused wherever I go. I feel trapped, sometimes I hate myself.

    Nobody understands what it’s like to be gay, or have a disabled relative, or have diabetes. Type 1 is the last thing I wanted – sometimes the stress is too much. I didn’t ask for any of those things?

    I’m 15, my friends are only starting to drink now – last night my friend’s birthday party was fun until the shots came out. For some of them it was their first time trying shots. But I couldn’t join in – I didn’t know what to do. At clinic they just tell me to straight out stay away from alcohol. But I’m a teenager, you know? I’m a good kid… I just want to drink some vodka & regret it when I’m throwing up in the morning. Something I’ve leaned very quickly is that drunk people are not fun at all when you’re sober.

    And I know… ‘you can howl at the moon but your diabetes will remain’, but it’s not fair – I feel trapped. I don’t even remember what it’s like to relax, what it’s like to be happy with my body and myself :/.

    it’s good to read everyones stories… people actually feel the same things!

  61. Hey. So I randomly came across this site, and I’m actually sort of relieved that I’m not the only one who wishes they didn’t have this crappy disease, but have any of you just said fuck it? I don’t want to encourage any “negative” behavior or actions, but I found out about 5 months ago that I’m type 1 and some days I just dont even bother with my insulin or checking my sugars. I know that sounds horrible, but I’m just sick of it sometimes. I’m 23 years old and I’m trying to pay/work/work on my career/deal with other shit and then life takes a big shit on me. My insurance sucks if your diabetic and doesnt cover any of my insulin costs nor my test strips which can easily cost up to 300 dollars a month. I mean WTF?? You find out you have this horrible disease and you’re expected to know everything and spend all this money on it? What about the other parts of my life? I feel like I have to do a complete 180 because of diabetes. Does this have to be the main focus on my life now?? I’m sorry if it sounds dramatic but FUCK diabetes. If I die early than expected then it was meant to be. I will take my insulin every now and then but on a daily basis checking/shooting up about 3-5 times a day is not going to happen for me, at least not anytime soon. I can afford doctor visits/dietician visits/insurance/insulin and medicial costs for this right now. Everyone has other shit to do/worry about then having this crappy disease..SCREW YOU DIABETES!!!!

  62. hello type1 friends,funny thing about being a type1 is that we all feel the same!i have been type1 for 35 years and its a full time job.i am tough as nails and continue to fight i will not let this disease rule me I WILL RULE IT!

  63. I remember when I was 9 years old, lying in a hospital bed after first being diagnosed, and saying to my mum who was sitting in the chair by the window, “Mummy, I cant wait until I can leave here and stop getting all these needles.” And my mum replying, “No Liv, this is forever.”

    I’ve had it for 8 years.
    My family and I went on a vacation to Mexico this past march break. We hadnt been at the hotel for an hour when i went up to the room by mself to put on my bikini, instantly went low, and had a seizure. My mum came up when Id been gone for a while and found me bleeding on the floor, I had fallen into the wall. I’ll never forget her screaming and all the people and how terrifying it was.

  64. Hi Liv,

    Thanks for your story. Please remember that you know your body better than anyone else: you can feel your sugar level changing for better or worse.

    Always be prepared, especially in new surroundings that are unfamiliar to you. That’s when diabetics are most vulnerable.

    I hope you’re using Pump therapy, that’s the best option at the moment.

    Good Luck

  65. I threw everything at this disease from the day I was diagnosed (11 yrs old). No matter how hard you fight this thing (tight control and an excersie regime that would put an athlete to shame) you still end up losing. All my hours swimming laps in a pool instead of partying/drinking with mates, under the impression this was going to save me – what a load of sh#t.

    I never missed a shot and tested my blood sugar 3-4 times a day all through primary/secondary school and university…I wont even bother chronicalling my fight with this f#ck of a condition – save my breath – all the other comments sum up the frustration of this disease. What pisses me off most about it all is the inevitability of the whole thing. You get diagnosed,told how its going to kill you, told how to control/fight it, work your ass of giving it your best and still succumb to the complications. Feel like a rat in fucking lab maze.

    I found this site from seardching – fuck diabetes and just top myself.

  66. Hiya I’m 11 years old and have been diabetic for 9 years.I have been searching through the web for advice,news of cure,or haw to get rid of bruised,lumpy,sore tummy because of that stupid injection.I went to diabetic summercamp last year and I realised that I didn’t have it the worst.there was a little boy 7 years old that had only been a diabetic for a few months and he was on 6 injections a day. I’m lucky I’m only on one everyone was amazed that I was still only on 1 injection a day.but I still hate it.I hear my friends talking about flu injections and how sore they are I feel like slapping some1 then and saying. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL! people think that I’m a lot tougher than I really am but I feel like crying because stupid diabetes.

  67. I have had diabetes now for 14 years. I was diagnosed shortly after my 5th birthday. I feel all of your frustrations I have been through all of them. But what gave me the mos I inspiration was proving people wrong. I was a 3 sport athlete in high school excelling at the sports I played. I know it sucks when your eating something and someone looks and you and tells you should you be eating that? I’m not going to let there ignorance ruin my day. But the feeling of satisfaction I have when I accomplish something and beat people who do not have diabetes. Is amazing. I always told myself when I got diagnosed was “Defy the disease, not have the disease define you as a person.” For all the stuff no diabetics talk about diabetes around you if that’s about food, or your limatations. Let them because deep down in my heart I know soul and believing can conquer everything. With that I was in a tri athlon last summer. Most people told me I was crazy for doing it that I wouldnt finish or that it would be so hard for me. I used there words as fire that burned deep down in my heart. After the miles and miles I would run during training, after the miles I would train on my bike, the miles swimming to train. On that day I raced getting 6th out of 50. Yeah it was my first triathlon and after that it was one of the most gratifying experiences in my life. I just want to let everyone know, at times diabetes sucks. But you just gotta pick your head up and keep going. I am no role model by any means. But I hope when all of you are down on the disease that something kicks in and tells you I won’t let this disease define me.

  68. TYPE ! Diabetes is soooo annoying. That is what it comes down to. It is a pain inthe ass to control and it screws up every aspect of my life. Today is one of those days.

  69. I literally found this site after I called my doctor to get my A1C.. 10.1%! I mean it’s frustrating enough to suck at something that effects every single aspect of your life but it also doesn’t help when your doctor tells you the news in such a disappointing tone. It’s like yeah I know I’m terrible at it but nothing you can say could possibly make me feel worse than I already do. I’m just glad that there are other type 1 diabetics out there who hate it just as much and now have some place to vent : )

  70. im 17 & had type 1 for 15 years. it SUCKS!!!! i HATE it sooo mcuh. the thing that gets me, is that it never ever goes away, there is NOTHING i can do to forget it or esccape from it. it helps 2 know other ppl hate it as wel!

  71. I have had it for 10 years. I type in I hate diabetes type one in the search engine and this blog came up.
    I just want to say thank you. Thank you for understanding and I finally feel that I’m not the only one who truly finds this disease difficult.

  72. Yep…. having a short break from my eight year old boys diabetes as his dad has taken him to diabetes camp for the weekend.
    Otherwise I’m on 24/7 testing, correcting/bolusing…. we take it in shifts to manage the midnight to morning as our little guy has highs and peaks at 2am… after 7 months on the pump still working to get it right.

    One good tip…try testing from the ear lob…we do this and it is painfree…just lower the setting on the pricker as the skin is softer on the ear. There are very few nerve endings in the ear.
    all the best to everybody…it really is a terrible grind….lets hope science marches along and there are better solutions for all of us before too long.

  73. I’m 19 and I’ve had type 1 since I was 3. Im so glad to find a blog like this because I know how everyone feels and I can relate. I’m sitting here with high blood sugars, feeling scared and alone. Fuck you diabetes, fuck you.

  74. hi, im a diabetic and 14 years old ive had diabetis for 2 years now and hate it but there are ideas for cures. All the people who think you can just get a new pancreas and all will be fine are wrong.Im sorry to say that but your bodies autoimmune system, the same thing that started the diabetis,will sense that this is not your pancreas and will then try to destroy it.You will then have to take shots 3 times a day(just like diabetis) to stop the immune system.Then if a virus comes along your screwed.I still dont have a pump but would like to have one and am still stuck taking insulin shots.Diet coke SUCKS.

  75. Oh,and i still am nervouse before flu shots and other needles even though i have to give myself
    injections 3 times a day.

  76. Mehhh……same for me here, except that I got diabeetus type 1 at the age of 3 in 1998, making it EVEN MORE ASS than it already is(and thus, having no GBA ruined my early life).
    But the probably worst thing about is that the german pharmaindustry was about to release new anaolgue insuline types, needing just one shot a day. It was abandoned for unkown reasons DAYS B4 THE RELEASE………………………………………………………………………………………………….Thank god i only had 1 crappy diabeetus diet in 2000, after that, all german doctors(except some retards) said that diabeetus food is unhealthy and b& the diets :D.
    Oh, and y the f*ck do u excepierence hypoglycemia everytime like the drug version??? When I realise I hav one I uselly eats som haribo and then play Crysis(hypoglycemia actually boots your eyesight and reaction, good for pwning noobs sometimes :P).
    I caes u dodnt know, a sight of hypoglycemia is a brain that feels filled with water.
    Thats all

  77. I know exactly how you feel mate. I myself am a type 1, and the demands that puts on us is insane sometimes. Just recently I had a severe reaction, ended up in the emergency room; waking up with a massive headache and an angry doc..You know what caused this, skipping my afternoon snack because I was behind on some work. You think “okay I can miss one meal” but nope. And just like that my doc says that I am no longer in a controlled range. And for the time being I can’t drive!!! Diabetes, what a friggen nightmare. Come on cure!

  78. The weight of an incurable disease on my shoulders,
    The marks on my fingers and stomach build up as I get older,
    You don’t know what it’s like ; the feeling of lost nerves,
    I only hope in my next life I get the body I deserve,
    One not marred by imperfection,
    One that looks normal in a dissection,
    One where I’m not dependent on manmade injection,
    If I had a full set of organs there’d be no objection.
    If the world ends in 2012, I’ll be saved from my own personal hell,
    I’ll never have to be a blind deaf impotent fuck in nursery home, not a man but a shell.
    My body is weak so I have to be mentally strong,
    I gotta live my life to fullest cause it aint gonna be long.
    Sometimes I find myself so filled with hate,
    God wanted me dead at birth but I decided I’d visit him late.
    OH MAN AINT LIFE GREAT, Im so fucking shot I cant remember the date.
    I don’t wanna deal with shit anymore, I feel like im tied to an anchor
    Sometimes I feel cold to the core, I light up another one, the bud’s getting danker.

  79. screw diabetes, ive been type 1 since i was 11 im 27 now and pissed off. i take care of myself as best i can and my blood is still bad all the time. what really burns me up is how much damn money everyone is making off of me. and i believe there is a cure but they wont tell us. the bible says the love of money is the root of all evil. because im a christian the only hope i have is that one day i wont have to deal with all these dumbass doctors giving me the runaround. im going to heaven and the doctors are going to hell. at least the ones who are not christians, and i hope god lets me throw gasoline on them. i no god will forgive me, but this is how i feel.

  80. Hi Anonymous & Anonymous,

    Thank you for your posts. That poem is very eloquent, hinting at the hopelessness of Type 1 diabetes while not hitting the reader over the head with it.

    Thanks!

  81. Like many people on here, I found this blog through googling “fuck diabetes” because I am having a shitty day. I’ve had type 1 diabetes for almost thirteen years. I am 22 years old, diagnosed when I was nine. Got a pump when I was 13 which made things way better. I loved reading all the responses on here, because we are all dealing with the same bullshit! I am so tired of this disease. I feel guilty because I barely check my blood sugar and am really crappy at giving boluses (my last a1C was 7.8%, not terrible but could be better) and I just have this joke of a endocrinologist tell me how to take care of myself. Growing up with this disease sucked, because when I was diagnosed I was still a kid who just accepted things (as most kids do). But as I got older, I just got more angry, and I think I am still incredibly angry. All this money we have to hand over, all this anger, all these emotional rollercoasters. It sucks. But at the same time, I cannot imagine myself without this affliction. It’s helped mold me into the person I am today. And if a cure was ever available, I would just cry, mainly because I can’t see this ever happening in my lifetime.

    I guess I do have a question for everyone- how do I stay motivated to take care of myself, and get better at blood sugar testing/bolusing? I am VERY aware of the complications of this disease, but I just can’t find the energy to take care of myself.

  82. @Aimée; It can be difficult to stay positive and motivated to take care of your sugars, especially when we know the battle will begin all over again the next day, our efforts at maintaining our health from the last day all but in vain. But you need to battle nonetheless, I simply tell myself “what if one day they find a cure, but my body is so wrecked from lack of care that it won’t do anything for me” and that gives me the strength to get up and inject once again. Just stay positive and know that you are among many others who feel the same way you do.

    With you in hating Diabetes.

  83. I like to read everyone’s comments. My daughter who was only 20 yrs old passed away. She had type 1 diabetes and she hated it . She got it when she was 12 and at 18 she grew to hate it with a passion. I think about her all the time and i will always be proud of her . I hoped that she didn’t feel alone. She always smiled and never complained . She loved to work and she was caring to others and she loved her siblings. She had a saying Ora et Labora it meant Pray and Work.
    She was my oldest and she was a lovely young lady.

  84. i have type 1 Diabetes since i was a child
    and yeah i hate it from all my heart all my life is ruined
    i take shots
    it makes me so stressed
    i can’t live my life normally
    i can’t feel anything with my husband and i hated it
    my doctor said that i can’t have kid’s
    and that’s so upsetting
    my husband left me
    that was expecting
    my health is just going down
    i can’t see well
    my heart hurts me
    i feel i can’t stand
    it’s always up not going down

    all of me is dammeged
    i feel so bad
    and i think why should i live with it
    i stop taking my shots
    and waiting to die
    iam only 23 years old
    can u imagine that

  85. heey im 15 and i have had diabetes for 5 years.. im on 5 injections a day and try live life yto the fullest with out having to worry about diabetes
    i am a dreamer what of it….
    i do believe i am accomplished
    i do have diabetes,,,
    yeah my diabetes doesnt define me, strong does…
    i have to just accept that it is apart of me and who i will become…
    it really cant make me anything but stronger from here out…
    dont give up <3

  86. I have had type on diabetes going on 15 years, throughout that time I have had remarkable control. Just recently I just got diagnosed with what is called celiac disease, in which the body fails to digest a protein called gluten properly. Only 2 to 3% of type one diabetics get this and unfortunately I am one of them. I can not have any wheat, rye, or barely. I never go out to eat now cause the places that make gluten free food at ridiculously expensive, and I make my only gluten free bread cause the loafs at the store are $5.00. The celiac’s has basically made me a shut in. To add on to that they think I might have something call gastroparesis in which food fails to leave the small intestine in 4 hrs. The gastronologist (spelling) being the idiot that he was said it was due to poor control, then I asked my diabetic dr. about it and he said it made no sense and that this is just what the diabetes does to some people. So now I guess complications sometimes hit you no matter what good care you take of yourself. All I know is my life is a big pain now, and I don’t have any money to get the test done for the gastroparesis right now, which I don’t think I have cause most gastroparesis is indicated by fluctuating blood sugars.

  87. Has anyone worked out how to beat this condition. By “beat” I dont mean cure. I mean uphold a lifestyle balancing work, family, exercise, diet and blood sugar control? I cant find the magical mix…and I havnt been able to find it over the last 24 yrs.

    Do you ever get the feeling that its just impossible? That we all would be in a better head space if the doctors just came clean with us from the start and told us we are all fucked.
    None of this “you can have a normal life if you manage the disease” rubbish.

    Ive always approached this disease with what I call the “ground-hog day” approach. Find a day that your sugar readings were perfect. You hit the right amount of food, insulin and exercise and everything just worked perfectly – no lows or highs. Then try and repeat that day for the rest of your life. The end result is you will go stir-crazy trying to replicate that day. In the end its just fucking impossible.

  88. i really hate having diabetes i had it for five years now i am ten years old and i have a insulin pump even though i take it every 3 days it still hurts and gets annoying to me 🙁

  89. I know your pain I hate diabetes, especially testing my blood sugar. I was diagnosed when I was a little over 2 years old and now I am over 26 so basically my whole life. It sucks.

    Sometimes I think that the cure is locked up in a privatized warehouse somewhere but the medical community won’t allow them to release it because there is no financial incentive, I am sure it sounds paranoid but it does make perfect sense, doesn’t it? I took an economics class and the free market society on works because of the ability of financial incentive. People only feel motivated to take be inventive or take risks because of the possibility for financial gain…

    If you don’t have insurance test strips costs nearly $1 a piece, same goes for one bottle of insulin. Not to mention lancets/syrings/alcohol swabs. Why would they even bother making a cure if they could just keep churning out the never-ending profit?

  90. hi all, first time i have commented on a forum. i feel touched by every comment. i’m 27 and been type 1 for 14 years. my world has fallen around me. l can relate to 99% of what you all say. i physically can’t stand the pain of injections anymore, have felt suicidal for the past 10 years and tried insulin/tablet overdoses 4 times. tried diesel fumes from my trusty old citroe zx, even that let me down. i feel more alone than anyone could ever imagine. it rules everything, if i fuck up at my job, go on a bike ride or a walk, its there waiting to have its nasty way. yet normal people dont understand, if u have a hypo they think u take your sugar and its ok in a couple minutes. cant drive lorries, emergency vehicles, trains or go in the army, all the stuff a diesel loving mechanic would love to do. every day all the little things about this fucking disease add up to wrench my heart out, only to do it again the next day. it holds me back in every way. i’ve been called junkie by my own dad.

  91. my own brother constantly parades himself in front of me like hes showing how could i could have been, then he tells me at every opportunity how he could control it better. i just wanna leave this earth like i dream about frequently, i only feel truly relaxed in these dreams. friends are not real, they left me when i was trying to be’normal’ and have a few drinks-ended up in serious shit on my own. tried the ‘come down on it hard approach ‘ when i had the same old bollocks ringing in my ears from the docs of ‘wont be long now and there will be a cure’……..that was 15 years ago, they said 2-5 max. eyes really bad now. so much to say…….it never even lets u sleep……anyone who says theres worse than to have….live my life cos i dont want it. its said that when u hit rock bottom, the only to go is back up……15 years ive been on the bottom……i dont wanna do another 15. what if in your deepest soul you know indefinitely that you will never get back up? take care all. u can do it even if i can’t

  92. i went on google and typed in ” i hate type 1 diabetes ” and glad that this site came up .. i actually just got out of rehab for opiates & i have type 1 diabetes .. i seriously screwed it up while i was doing drugs for two years and i got diagnosed two years ago …. i knew i was doing the wrong thing but the drug use became so unmanageable i couldn’t help it .. anyways ….. i just really REALLY hate having diabetes in the first place let alone a drug problem .. i hate pricking my finger, i hate giving my self 5 shots a day, i hate watching what i eat, i hate everyone asking me if im okay or if its okay too eat this or that … but now that i have 50 days sober, im still not doing as good as i should be doing as i was when i first got diagnosed .. i just wish there were more people like me that are in recovery and have diabetes .. plus, i am young and got diagnosed two years ago .. if someone, anyone would like too email me i’d appreciate it or even respond

  93. HI I have been a type 1 diabetic for 14years now and I know exactly what you mean by having really great days and really bloody not great days. My one pet hate is when someone I know (or sometimes hardly know at all) is at a dinner party offering people a plate and completly by-passes me and says oh you cant have this…really ticks me off, its my body I have been living with this condition fo 14 damn years now I know a hell of a lot more than you would about what I can and cant eat, dont be so rude and just offer it to me anyway. This same person also always seems to think I need to know what she knows diabetics can have problems with…my brother has asthma and no one does this to him.

  94. Hey, definitely having one of those days where I feel nothing but anger about my levels. I hate how it interrupts all the moments in life you’re really supposed to enjoy; uni life, having a girlfriend even just a few beers with friends and never being able to fully relax. The randomness of it really gets me sometimes, I could do the same thing everyday and take the same amounts of insulin and still get widely varying blood sugars. Being in a medical course aswell everyone talks as if they know how diabetes should be controlled and I’m obviously making some easily corrected mistake if my levels are bad,arghh so annoying.

  95. Was hospitalised with ketoacidosis in 1996 aged 29 I had lost over two stone in as many weeks constantly drinking urinating and sleeping on the day I was admitted i didnt want to wake up an all consuming tiredness like no other. 16 years on like most type ones I still have wild swings in bg i can eat the same thing have the same activity level the same doses of humalog and lantus but the scores on the doors will be vastly differing – the answer well who really knows??? its all guess work and we are all different I have no more of a handle on this than I did 16 years ago and neither have the clinicians and thats the truth. Type one is a roller coaster day in day out and there aint no break from it. I work shifts too to compound matters …no one understands they think if you take your meds like the doc tells ya all will be hunky dory – I am angry at diabetes very angry some times I have retinopathy close to the macula and i am made to feel like its my fault for not controlling this condition!!! yes walk a mile in my shoes if you dare you dumb quacks cos they know nothing of living with type 1! most type 1’s will get retinopathy even with reasonable control. and no type 1 will ever have good control (whatever that is?) unless they rise the same time every morning eat the same meal at the same times every day and go to bed at the same time every day and do nothing but moniter their bg every half hour of every day of every month of every year for the rest of their sad lonley lives. I HATE TYPE 1 DIABETES and I make no apology for shouting it from the rooftops. Spleen vented.

  96. Oh and I really need to say that I also hate the phrase ‘dont let it control you’ or ‘you can control this condition’ YOU CAN’T! it give false hope. Are you in control of it when you pick up a respiritory virus or have a tummy bug? are you in control when you have a hypo and need to eat (not because your hungry)? are you in control having to inject yourself 4 + times a day? when you bed sheets are soaking wet? when someone else has to help you out? cos that is not my idea of being in control….is it yours?
    love to all who have blogged and kept it real. I love the movie/doccumentary Idea too.

  97. I honestly can say diabetes inconveniences me in every way. I love Working out, but if I am below 300, then I will get dangerously low. So I eat and don’t take insulin but I feel too sick to work out at 400. I have tried everything. What do I do?!

    And also, if you don’t manage your sugars at all, you will die from diabetes. However, with some control, it is manaegeable. Trust me, I am scared all the time and hate it more than words can say. I’m awake at 2 in the morning with a final tomorrow because I’m 40.

    Does anyone know how to work out without going low?

  98. Diabetes sucks.
    I was diagnosed with Diabetes when I was 11 years old. Now being fifteen, I have been living with this God-awful disease for 4 years. It has not been the least bit easy for me. This disease is by far the largest struggle I have ever gone through. The bad part is, it is going to be with me for the rest of my life. Every damn day is a battle for me. It seems to me that no matter how hard I try, I can never get a good blood sugar reading. I exercise, I manage what I eat, I check my sugar, I give myself shots, and yet I still end up in the 200-350 range the majority of the time. IT KILLS ME that I can NEVER get it right. There are some times in the day where I want to drop everything and just cry. Cry knowing that I am not healthy. Cry because this disease is going to be with me forever. Cry because I know that Diabetes is most likely going to cut my life shorter than an average person. I literally want to cry at least once every day. But in reality, I can’t. I can’t cry. I feel like I need to show people that I can handle everything on my own. I feel like if people see how vulnerable I really am, no one will view me as a strong person. I don’t want it to seem like I need help. I want to seem strong to others. I want to inspire people to keep going in their lives. I try so hard to smile throughout the days of my life, when I really am unhappy. I have multiple nights a week when I sit in my bed and cry. There are some nights where I’ll tell my best friend that I’m sad because of it, but most of the time I don’t tell anyone. It happens way too often to be telling someone about it every time. I usually let it all out, and eventually the feeling goes away. One thing that is always in the back of my mind is what my nurse told me one day. She told me that I don’t even know what it feels like to be normal because of my highs in my blood sugar. I don’t know what it feels like to be normal. That is so true. Physically, I always have headaches or stomach aches. I get one of each pretty much every day. In all honesty, I don’t remember what it feels like to have had a normal life. I don’t remember what it was like to be carefree. To be able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to. To not have to give myself a shot after every meal. To not have to check my blood sugar at least 5 times a day. To not have to give myself a shot EVERY single night of my life. These are the kind of things I absolutely hate. Another thing I hate is the extra attention. I hate that every year I have to have a meeting with my teachers in school about diabetes. I hate that my mom has to talk to every parent and coach about what they have to do in case of emergencies. I hate when people ask me “Does that hurt?” or “Can you eat that?” I understand when people ask once or twice, but even my friends still sometimes ask me. It BOTHERS THE CRAP OUT OF ME. Sometimes I feel like there is no one who understands me. I know I have my friends and family to talk to, but they don’t know what it feels like to struggle so much like I do. I just want to be NORMAL. I want to go back to living a normal life. Diabetes has seriously put a crap load of stress on me. It is constantly in my mind. All the time. I hate it. I hate it so much. The fact that my oldest brother has his Diabetes under complete control, having a perfect A1C, not having to check himself, giving normal doses of insulin, almost being able to go off of insulin, DRIVES ME INSANE. He doesn’t even have to try. It doesn’t affect him one bit, while I go absolutely mad about it. All I ask for is a cure. A cure for this wretched disease that brings so much sorrow, agony, pain, depression, and hurt in my life. I want it gone. I can’t stand having this fake smile on my face half of the time. I want a full-time real smile. I don’t want to have to deal with these pricks in my arms. I’m sick of giving myself shots. I hate having a headache 24/7. I hate Diabetes. I need a cure.

  99. Yes i’m 13 and have type 1 diabetes. I got it when I was 5. The thing is I HATE when I have to do a finger pick, at school, during lunch! Everyone stares, asking “What the crap is that?” “Are you emo?” NO! gosh So then I have to tell them all about it which makes me angry and brings tears to my eyes. Why did I have to get it?

  100. Yesterday was my diagnosis anniversary- I’ve been type 1 for nine years now. I’m 18. Half my life. I try to be strong, to brush off comments and appear like I have everything under control. But I’m getting tired. I’m tired of my pump tubing getting caught on door handles and ripping out, of my inset site randomly becoming ineffective and shooting up to the 20s. I’m tired of going high every single damn time I cry- my body can’t handle any strong emotion without going high. Stress, happiness, anger… I need to be a robot to control this. I feel worn down. I used to think I could beat this. Now I feel it beating me. I just want it to stop.

  101. Hi,

    My son is 8 and has type one diabetes since last summer. He’s hurting so badly. He hates it and I hate it.

    There is no cure.

    There is no perfect balance, no one has ever found it.

    The only thing that makes our life easier is learning to roll with the punches.

    He has a low right as we’re heading out the door in the morning… We check and treat and sit down and take a break. Who gives a shit if we’re late?

    His school calls me at work because his blood sugars are 25 and they need advice and I have a meeting to get to with a client… I take my cell phone into another room and talk to the school as long as they need me. Fuck the client.

    My son has an extreme low 0.6 but is still awake and talking… he panics when he see’s his reading. I say, lets have some skittles and take a break, don’t sweat it, I’m here and nothing bad is going to happen to you.

    We just roll with it. Yes, we’re frustrated, yes it’s nearly ruined our lives, but you know what? You can only control what you can control. We do our best, but we know that’s not always good enough.

    My suggestion would be to sit back and relax. Have an extra piece of cake when you really want it. Take time for yourself. Realize you’re all just humans. We aren’t perfect, there’s no such thing. Treat yourselves fairly and treat your diabetes fairly.

  102. Hey everyone,

    I was diagnosed about 4 years ago and I’m 19 currently, personally, I don’t know what to do, when I was first diagnosed I tried to use it my advantage as much as I could, but it is a huge demon to bear.

    I am lucky my girlfriend is understanding and my mum is really supporting but no matter what, as soon as it is mentioned that I’m diabetic, everyone instantly gets the idea they know more than I do, it really depresses me, I have been restricted from joining the RAF and the police in 4 different areas wanted better control.

    for my first year it wasnt too bad, the odd hypo, high sometimes, but after that i just let it slip, no matter how good i control it, theres no slack, there is no cool off period for it, its always there.

    i remember just last week, someone i knew had been diagnosed with type 2 due to being massively obese, and she said to me, “its hard isnt it?” andi lost my temper with her, explaining the differences between a self inflicted disease, and the ultimate shit luck that i have…

    i don’t know, just want to stop, so sick of it. its all well and good saying i have diabetes, fuck the world if im late etc etc, but ive lost jobs purely because of the fact there is always seemingly someone out there that can do my job just as fast as me but without the danger of hypo’s etc… makes its hard to fuck the world when it fucks you back harder

  103. I’m 16 years old and had diabetes for 4 years and I can honestly say it has ruined my life.
    no one understand how frustrating, difficult and annoying it is to have diabetes unless they have it themselves. my parents always tell me ‘we know how you feel’ and ‘if we could take it from you we would’. 1. they have no idea how I feel. 2. I’m a teenager who’s life is constricted to being sensible due to a stupid illness. I’m fed up of it.
    I got diabetes in 2008 and I can’t say it’s gotten any easier. my blpod are meant to be in-between 4 and 8. i had diabetes for 7 and a half months undiagnosed. I drank about 8 litres every day and couldn’t understand why, lost about 4 stone in weight and my hair was falling out. i spent a whole night being sick every 5 minutes, the next morning I finally gave in and went to my doctor who’s eyes almost popped out his head when he saw my blood sugar was 42.6. considering it’s mean to be between 4 & 8, it was the worst case of type one diabetes he had ever seen. I got a referral to yorkhill and whilst driving there I fell into a coma. next thing I knew I was in an intensive care ward hours later. I spent 3 weeks in hospital and was in complete denial of having it, I spent those 3 weeks crying, asking myself what the fuck I had done wrong to be landed with this fucking illness. intensive care, high dependency, general ward, the children crying, I wanted
    to strangle them because I was so angry, angry at myself cause i wanted to know what I had done to deserve it.
    I was diagnosed last year with severe depression due to my diabetes taking over everything. how could I possibly be a normal teenager when it affects everything? drinking, smoking, having a generally good time without it being at the back of my mind constantly. I feel like my whole life revolves around it, my whole teenage years have been ripped from me and I had to grow up earlier than everyone else around me cause I had to understand how to deal with it and be sensible. (not that it worked).
    I’ll admit. I’m still in denial. if I don’t treat it, it’s not there in my eyes, I smoke, I go to parties and get absolutely rat-arsed, I have sex without worrying I’m gonna have a hypo. diabetes may have taken over my life, but I’m not gonna let it stop me living my life the way I want to 🙂

    if anyone wants to talk to me about my story or theirs, give me a text on 07881023797 🙂 thanks for reading.

  104. Someone said. Fuck God. I say you are selfish because. Little babies have cancer and some suffer and die. God you praise not curse. From the day of Birth to the day in the herse there is nothing so bad that couldnt have been worse. Its not about you its about my lord and Savior jesus christ. He gave you life now give him your life and you want be so bitter. accept jesus as your lord and Savior and give your life to him and get Involved in the Bible and use what God gave you to Gloryfy him then It want be all about FUN. Life is not easy but if you accept jesus and seek him because he give you a free will. Its your choice so look up because nobody have it easy. If you follow jesus at the end of this life you will have the victory in jesus. Im a diabetic for 25 some years among other things life have hit me with. I will be 79 june 11th and All the trouble I have had. I say. Thank you Jesus. I want complain. Deal with your afliction. Do what you have to do and (pray) God Bless. ps You going to have to have a savior and his name is Jesus. He is not up in heaven saying. Lets make a deal. Hes saying. (This is the deal) Forget what people say. and take one day at a time

  105. My message is simply get over it and stop wollowing. Be thankful you get all your medication and treatment you need and that care here is so good. It is a pain in the ass but you can live with it, a lot of worry but can do it. Just in case I have been type 1 since age 5 I am now 41. I hate it but it just becomes part of you. Imagine never having a needle in your life pretty weird. I haven’t put on weight since about age 13 as so careful about what eat. Thing I hate so much as people’s think with diabetes you must have been overweight and they look at you really confused when you say you were an age 5 porker!!!! By way i did put i hate type 1 diabetes in to google!

  106. back again…. Sorry don’t want to dis people who have been newly diagnosed as it is difficult to get head around but simple message is it doesn’t stop you doing anything you want to once you get a handle of it and you are in control of it not vice versa. I spent years wanting to go travelling world and thing that stopped me was being diabetic. I saved up a years worth of insulin carried it all around world with me and realised i felt healthier and happier doing it and it really doesn’t stop you doing anything if you plan carefully beforehand. It is a pain in the ass but it also makes you more aware of your body and have regular check-ups that most people don’t have. You don’t tend to get massively over-weight with type 1 cause you are so aware of food!

  107. FUCK YES.. got diabetes 2 months ago. I’m 15 years old and I’m so fucking mad. I was very healthy, did sports and shit and ate healthy every fucking day, then I lost 7 kg weight and my vision got worse. The glucometer showed 21 mmol and I cracked up. So, yes, takes so much fucking time to manage it and I feel like it’d be the best to just die… I don’t even know why I’m writing this, yea nice rant.. but seriously.. FUCK IT FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK GOD FUCK THAT SON OF A BITCH FUCK DIABETES… I FUCKING LIVE FOR THE DAY WHEN I WILL BE ABLE TO PLAY BASKETBALL FREELY.. GODDAMN FUCK !oh and yea, stick you jesus up your ass you dickhead!@the bitch up a few comments

  108. I hear you. What is interesting is that we are clearly not alone. I recently went through a massive depression. I had my older brother tell me that I should handle my Type 1 diabetes like my distant cousin (who comes across as perfect). I was devastated. I HATE IT WITH SO MUCH PASSION I HAVE WONDERED WHETHER IT IS WORTH STICKING AROUND.

    The other thing that gets me is that my ‘team’ do not have the disease yet they are more than happy to let me know that I am not doing as they ask regarding my management. My response to them is… ‘how about you try living with it and let me know how successful you are’.

    I hate being the only one in my family with the disease. I hate feeling like no one actually asks ‘how I am going’.

    Yet I tend to sound like a broken record. Wearing a dress with my insulin pump is pointless. This disease is crap and having spontaneous sex is completely out of the question. And this pisses me off the most!

  109. Oh and Clare… I have been diagnosed for 9 years. I was diagnosed with type 1 while 6 months pregnant. My sugar readings were 76 (incredibly dangerous) it turns out that my environmental factor was in deed pregnancy. I was told that I would never if at all be able to loose the weight gained while pregnant. Thanks to Type 1 I now have Throid disease and ceileac disease. I am borderline anemic. It is shit. I understand what you are saying but one size does not fit all. Yes you can carry on with your life. But it can stop you from doing some things. I was diagnosed at the age of 23 super fit. I lost my eye sight, hearing and 15 kgs in 3 days. I am lucky to be here. Two doctors told me it was part of being pregnant. Finally a third doctor told me to go to the hospital (after a simple urine test). I nearly lost myself and my baby.

    There is no one to assist with the mental games you play with yourself. And this is what must happen…

  110. Yes, it sucks. There is no way around it. I’m 41 and got it when I was 18, first semester in college. My control was horrible for the first 10 or so years! Luckily I have no complications and intend to keep it that way — the negative side to that is having to deal with the many, many insulin reactions when you have super tight control.

    I agree that drug companies probably do NOT want a cure for T1D, as it’s a multi-billion dollar-a-year industry. In America (and most of the world, unfortunately), money ends up ruling what happens to most of us.

    I hate the comment: “Oh, I could NEVER do that.” Well, guess what? If you had T1D you WOULD do it.

    I’m incredibly sick and tired of the lows…I’ve had seizures when asleep, etc…living alone makes that part more difficult. I’ve never had problems dating because of it (i.e. no one has ever run away because I have T1D), but man it does suck in so many ways. I guess we have no choice — we just have to deal with it if we want to continue living. Hopefully pharmaceutical company presidents, etc., will realize that you can’t take your money with you when you die, so finding a cure should be done NOW — that’s a real contribution to humanity, instead of making billions off of suffering.

  111. I googled I hate diabetes and found your page… I was just reading that diabetes make you a better person and all I feel now is yes, I’m lucky to have survived what I did, dka, doctors who messed up, dvt and more, but I’m not lucky to have type 1 diabetes and I was already a good person! fuck this godamn disease and lets hope Dr. Faustmann and others will find that cure. I plan to give a blood sample for them.

    I’m sick to death of jabbing myself, and it has only been two months…. I’m worrying about all of this all the time. I feel so alone. I was 50 when I found out I’m type 1. People keep telling me you look so good, well I guess that is great, but I have been through a living hell. And yes I’m glad it’s not cancer and so on but I wish to hell I didn’t have this. I wish no one had to deal with this- type 1 or 2 they are both horrible. I want myself back.

    I’m following a very low carb diet and this has helped tremendously to stabilize me so I recommend this to everyone to try it at least. But the really hard part about eating for me is the insulin makes me so hungry and I can never eat a large enough portion to satisfy me now, so I am always worrying and thinking no I can’t eat that much, I have to eat mouse sized portions and eat continually throughout the day and night, kind of like what I used to do anyway, but then if I wanted to eat more I could!

    There are so many more things I’m afraid of now… I hate this.

  112. “Hopefully pharmaceutical company presidents, etc., will realize that you can’t take your money with you when you die, so finding a cure should be done NOW — that’s a real contribution to humanity, instead of making billions off of suffering.”

    We need to start a movement to make this clear to everyone… I think all medical treatments, drugs, supplies etc. should be either very low cost or FREE… this is what we need to start working towards and yes, you can’t take it with you when you go but you can alleviate so many people’s suffering from all sorts of health conditions as well as from Diabetes.

  113. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes two years ago at age 26. I think the original post is crap. Man up and get over it. Woe is me will never get you anywhere. There’s a reason for everything in life. Count your blessings and continue to live your life. Yeah everyone has a good day and bad but at the end of the day get down on your knees and thank God he gave you that day. Live your day as your last as you don’t know what tomorrow brings you. Life is too short…if all you do is complain you will never enjoy what life is really about…

  114. The worst thing is when your really fucking tired and you get this sudden low that hits you like a sack of bricks! Diabetes is such a pain in the arse!

  115. Hey Jim?

    Fuck you. Wait until you’re 20+ years into this disease and then give me your hearts and flowers speech about so-called God.

  116. Just found out that I may have Diabetes and doing research right now aobut it. I am now honestly quite terrified of finding out if I have it and I don’t know how I’m going to take the news. I’m going to my appointment in a couple of hours. I’m just now gotten a grasp on my food allergies as a year ago I found out I’m allergic to almost all fruits, veggies, nuts, and spices. Now I may have to face a new life challenge and not sure what that will look like from where I’m standing now.

  117. hey Jim! Blow me douchebag… and yea for all new diagnosed ones, it doesn’t get better, only can get worse, it’s better for the docs to tell you immediately that you’re screwed rather than “oh if you manage it you can live a normal life” BULL-FUCKING-SHIT! FUCK YOU!

  118. hey, i’ve got t1 and i totally understand you. i dont know, sometimes i dont take my insulin, i know it might kill me but the feeling that you’re not normal – because compared to all my friends im some sick freakish wreck who has to go to the school bathroom whenever i want to eat. i want to eat, just to go into the shop, buy myself some food, and eat it. but no, i have to stab my finger, squeeze some blood out, the jab an already bruised up area of my skin to eat. and what kind of life is this, i sould do alot, i’ve got good grades, supportive parents and im cool but i might aswell turn out as some hobo on the streeet with drugs and vodka because it is so hard. ive got a whole diabetic team in my hospital but they could never understand because they dont know ehat this fucking curse does to you. and what, everytime i have a birthday, i cant have cake or at least the thinest slice of cake you could ever get. but truth is, they can stop me from having a normal life but i’m always going to go out, buy myself some food and stuff it in my face. i might feel like shit the next day, but at least i’ll have that one little feeling and that one little glimpse of a life i could of had.

    1. Hi Joanna,

      Thanks for your comment. As you can see, there are over 100 from people with varying opinions and feelings about Type 1.

      It sucks. I’m sorry, I think it is horrible but there’s nothing I can do about it short of getting a pancreas transplant, which would require immunosuppressant drugs to stop my body from rejecting the organ.

      I know my outlook on life is more positive when my diabetes is in control. It takes a lot of discipline and is extremely successful, but when you test before dinner and your sugar is 110, you feel “normal” for a moment and can eat almost anything teamed with an appropriate dosage of insulin.

      Good luck and realize it gets easier with time.

  119. I have had type 1 diabetes for 15 years. I was diagnosed when I was 8. I also suffer from depression which brings a whole other dimension to my diabetes.

    The thing I find the hardest is that over an average week you can eat the same food, do the same activity, have the same amount of insulin every single day and yet your blood sugar can still be high, or low, or anywhere else in between.

    You can’t just pop down the street to meet a friend or go to a concert, you need to pack your glucose monitor, insulin, all your other medical bits and pieces, something with sugar in it and so on.

    My fiance is very supportive and helpful if I have a low in the middle of the night but no one can truely understand how much a diabetic longs for a normal life. How shit you feel when you blood sugar is low or when it is high. One day without having to think “this sugar level means this much insulin”, “if I eat this I have to do that much excercise.”

    I hope for a cure everyday and hope I live long enough to see one.

    1. Hi Britt,

      Thank you for your comment!

      Many people overlook the psychological impact of Type 1 Diabetes. It is a chronic condition. It’s always there, no matter what you do. You have to control it or else you suffer even further.

      I’ve also experienced days and weeks when I think I’m doing everything right: nutritious meals, using my pump correctly, exercising, avoiding highs and lows, etc., but despite monumental efforts your A1C at the doctor’s office shows a worse result than expected.

      I take bad test results personally because I feel like I’m letting myself down. Sometimes things are beyond your control.

      Take Type 1 Diabetes one finger stick at a time.

      When I’m depressed I look at it as a life long curse. It’s easier to manage day-to-day, hour-by-hour, opposed to stressing out about the ball and chain tied to your leg until death or a cure is found.

  120. I have had type 1 diabetes since i was 13. I am now 22 and it is still a major pain in the arse. Googled “hate diab..” and found this site, feels so good to see people with the same problems and fustrations throughout all the posts. Can never feel truley relaxed or have a normal day/night. going for a snack is an event in itself and career opportunites and such have all been hampered by it as no jobs in the armed forces or certain emergancey services are available if you suffer from diabetes.

    I feel as though it is just a matter of time. be it years, months, weeks or even days before one bad hypo or a complication from high blood sugars will “get me” as blood sugars never ever stick even if diet and exercise never vary.

    I am past caring and just feel slightly better that others are out there feeling the same and have a place to vent.

    I long for the day when I can just wake up go out eat when I feel I want to have a few beers socialise see where the night goes ad go to bed happy, without the worry and stress of when to eat and inject ect. I donet need to mention all the questions or attitudes and sometimes plain ignorance from people when tghey see you having a snack or going to Football and such.

  121. I too, googled ‘Hate Type 1 diabetes’ and I really feel your pain. I have had the condition for 25 yes and have never hated it more, now that I am pregnant. Every mouthful of food has had me stressed and worried about the damage I could do to my unborn child as a result of high blood sugar levels.
    The way I see it, you either give in, or go on. It’s hard, sometimes feels impossible, and it is crap when you are told by non diabetics how to manage your condition. It’s true, there are people all over the world in far worse situations but on your bad days, this can be little comfort. Do the best you can to live a happy life- that’s all you can do.

  122. I’m 20 had type 1 since I was 2-3. Similar situation to Timmy, back in 2008, cant join the military which was always my life’s goal. In the past couple years I’ve started to lose my eye sight it’s gotten really bad in the past week or two. I’m sitting in my girlfriends house with low blood sugar but I cant eat anything because we have no money for food and a child to feed. I’ve had problems in the bedroom but I usually manager okay. I’m quite depressed and never really wrote about it. It’s getting worse and worse all I can say is fuck this shit.

  123. 44 and had type 1 for 22 years. I fucking despise it, it’s a death sentence and it only gets worse as you get older. One complication after the next. Just hope I die in my sleep so I never have to face another day of this bollocks.

  124. ive been a type one for 13 yrs (that they know of), it has cost me a baby a leg and some of my other foot, that part im getting use to, the part that annoys me the most, u have gone from, hi how are u going, to now, hi how are yr levels, there is more to be than being a diabetic, I wish u all well tho (pardon the pun)

  125. ive been a type one for 13 yrs (that they know of), it has cost me a baby a leg and some of my other foot, that part im getting use to, the part that annoys me the most, u have gone from, hi how are u going, to now, hi how are yr levels, there is more to me than being a diabetic, I wish u all well tho (pardon the pun)

    1. Hi Lisa,

      I am so sorry to hear this. It is a curse like no other.

      No one understands what it is like unless they have the disease (which is true for a lot things). There’s no break from Type 1: it’s ALWAYS there no matter how you day is going.

      I would be first in line for a 2 week vacation from Type 1 if the medical community could arrange it: eat what I want, when I want; do what I want, when I want; not feel miserable from lows or highs.

      I have never and will never accept it. I just tolerate it.

  126. I have had type 1 diabetes for six years, I was diagnosed at 17 and I’m 23 now. Yeah it doesn’t get any better. It fucking sucks ass. I’m sluggish alot of the time EVEN when my numbers are okay, my parents hate me cause I’m struggeling with holding a job and figuring out school. And I always tell them I am trying everything I can but its hard when you’re technically crippled. ANd thats what type 1 does to you, fucking cripples you. You know what I hate the most? is the fact that NO ONE understands my struggle, doctors, parents,family members, friends, girlfriends, NOTHING NO ONE UNDERSTAND HOW MISERABLE THIS DISEASE CAN BE. “Oh you just take a shot who cares get over it” blah blah fucking blah this disease makes everything worse, I cant even go out with friends and enjoy a beer with out going to the bathroom every 15 minutes to check my shit. FUCK YOU DIABETES I HOPE THERE IS A CURE ONE DAY SO ALL THE LITTLE KIDS OUT THERE TAHT GET IT HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE, my youth will be gone by the time a cure is found so whats the point.

  127. I have type 1 Diabetes, I was diagnosed when I was 25, after being sick for months. It was awful, I had a feeling it was probably diabetes. It’s now been a little over 2 years. Still its a struggle every day. I don’t think anyone can ever accept this, you just get so use to doing what you have to do because there is no other choice. I guess I’m lucky that I had most of my young life before diabetes, but in a way it makes its awful because you know everything that you can’t do anymore. You are not in control of your body or how you feel or act. You always feel like you just have to get thr o the day. I don’t think I have felt “normal” in years. I’m always on top of everything anyway, like my personality is always pushing myself, and now just to have a stress free moment. Constantly, having to plan every little thing around diabetes just gets so old. Then, when you miscalculate and you have low in the middle of something, its awful. I have a daughter prior to diabetes, and I have been waiting to have more children, but completely freaked out about doing it. I don’t even know if I’m going to. I can’t put another person life at any avoidable danger. Every day I hope this disease doesn’t take me away from my daughter, how could I let her live her life without her mom. That’s what really gets me. Can you believe a 3 year old knows more about type 1 diabetes than most adults. I’m lucky that I have a husband, he is supportive. Still, no one gets it, that why you have an immediate bond when you bump into another fellow type 1 diabetic. I got to say only seen 2 in my life. People on a whole are pretty dumb, especially about diabetes, all the looks I get when I ask for a nutritional menu, like I’m some sort of freak with a eating disorder. That’s when I usually have a smart remark to make them feel dumb for poking in my business. It a tough road and a lot of hardship. I read each and everyone’s comment, and I felt a connection to everyone of you. I googled ” I hate type 1 diabetes” and came up with this. I’m glad there is some place where all us type 1’s can vent.

    1. Hi Mary,

      Thanks so much for your comment. No one really understands Type 1 except for medical professionals and other Type 1s. Family members only understand it if they choose to be supportive, otherwise, you’re on your own.

      I was diagnosed in 1997 on Christmas Day. 🙂 Thanks Santa! Years later, I have not “accepted” it, but I do “tolerate” it.

  128. Commented here a couple of years ago and still trying to figure out all the loops of type 1 after having it nearly half a decade. At 22 I can’t live the same as other 22 year olds. In some regards it’s a good thing tho because I can’t get all messed up on the weekends like other people my age 🙂 I eat well and take care of myself but my blood sugar is always up and down. Sometimes I get really anxious about going blind, because I don’t know how I would care for myself if I couldn’t see. The worst part is no one really understands how scary it can sometimes be to have diabetes. They think if I just keep on taking my shots and checking my blood sugar I’ll be fine. And I could write a book about all the hypoglycemic episodes I’ve had. Some of them would be quite funny if they weren’t life threatening.. I think all type ones out there deserve a big congrats not giving up and managing a condition that requires so much monitoring. It sure takes a lot of work, but it’s still possible to have fun here and there. But I sure hope that a cure will be found before I’m old and have other health issues to worry about…

    1. Hi Catherine,

      Thanks for both your comments. Your attitude about Type 1 is amazing and positive. That’s half the battle. Once you have a good approach to managing your diabetes including all the random events and surprises, life becomes much easier.

      I think a cure will come soon, but at the moment I’m cynical: pharmaceutical companies are making too much money off insulin, shots, pumps, and cgms. If a cure comes, they would suddenly lose a lot of money. Unfortunately, this is as much an economic battle as it is scientific.

  129. So two years further on and I’m still hating this illness that rots you inside out. Iv been on a pump for the past 18 months sounds good so far but….. The complications are coming thick and fast for me. Macula oedema complex sleep apnoea pancreatic exocrine failure angina as a result of Cvd. My BMI is normal as is my BP and A1c is under 10.I was diagnosed 20 years ago and am now 45
    My insides are that of a 65 year old.
    Most of us with T1 will die prematurely exceptionally some of us will live a little longer. It could be you. But it’s not all about perfect control. Some of us are more sensitive to the smallest elevation in blood sugars in that it will cause more damage so some of us.
    Live for today brothers n sisters

  130. I’ve had enough. I go to sleep every night hoping its my last. Maybe it’s time to overcome my cowardice and just fucking end it once and for all. Can’t take any more.

    1. Hi Datren,

      I’m very sorry about your frustrations with T1 diabetes. I hate it and there’s nothing good about it. It depresses me constantly. People ask, “Why don’t you accept it?”, and I simply state, “I only tolerate it”.

      I would urge you to find a support group or talk to your doctor about some brief counseling. I’m not suggesting that you are weak or unhealthy, but rather that you have a tremendous challenge facing you for life and you need extra support.

      In the meantime, I know from personal experience that keeping sugar levels below 150 actually relieves the feelings of depression with Type 1. My body is sensitive. When I’m above 200, I feel tired, sad, and sleepy. All else being equal, if I lower than within a couple hours to say 130-140, my mindset shifts.

      Take it finger prick to finger prick. Make a goal to control your diabetes for at least 6 hours a day. Then expand to 8, 10, 12, etc. You will feel much better mentally and physically.

  131. I’m 41 yrs old now diagnosed with type 1 at 10 yrs old. I actually found this blog by searching I fucking hate diabetes!!! I’m totally seeing that I’m certainly not alone with my thoughts and feelings on the subject. It SUCKS!! That’s all there is to it. And your right the general population don’t get it and I get sick of explaining the ins and outs of it too. And peoPle a sooty do treat you different. They’d rather not hang with you cause your constantly interruptive doing something or another to do with your diabetes, time restrictions they don’t wanna deal it’s too much of a hassle. I’ve had boyfriends actually breakup with me because of it too. I’ve been dealing with it for 31 yrs now and no matter how well or how tight control you keep guys one more depressing thing to keep in mind I have researched…type 1 is initiated b an autoimmune disorder in which the bodies cells attack insulin producing cells in the pace ease so no we didn’t ask for this pain in the ass disease. One person responded by saying “I got the shit end of the stick” in this life!! Totally agree. It’s too regimented, your not free to do mch of anything cause it’s constantly in the back of your head, ect. I get it all believe me. Docs have been telling me I’ve had a good run at 30 yrs with it however end result…parts of me are failing due to diabetes and the length of time I’ve had it despite control factors these thing were inevitable anyway. My hands pretty much useless, horrible dental problems, fading eyesight….when at this point all I wanna do is retire from my duties so to speak and live as normal and free a life as possible for what little time I probably have left….Its been so long since I’ve been normal I honestly can’t remember being normal that’s fucked up but it’s the way I feel. I hate diabetes always have, always will….maybe once I take my final breath I’ll finally know what normal is…

  132. I’m 15 and I’ve had Type 1 since I was 9.I have an insulin pump. I hate it, and every time I see it I cry. I can’t take diabetes anymore it’s driving me crazy.

  133. You guys blow me away! Never knew so many of us hated this disease. I’ve had this “pain in the ***” since I was 8 months old so that makes it 49 years. 4 kids, two husbands & survived many trials and tribulations. But this disease bites. The older I get, the more I’m disgusted with how it’s dictated so much. I’m alone now and must admit rather afraid because of my brittleness with the long term having it. There’s so much involved, it’s exhausting and depressing. I can’t even begin to stress the frustration – so I won’t. Blessings to Us All

  134. I am hypoglycemic (BS 35 this morning). No big deal really, compared to my boyfriend who is a type 1 diabetic. I have had multiple health issues. Vein stones, kidney stones, typhoid fever, heavy metal poisoning (that i almost died from because it was diagnosed as MS) and cancer that came after. We met a year ago. He was in his 20’s and healthy, when he was exposed to a chemical while working for a pharmacuetical company. Within a year his pancreas stopped functioning. Both of us have a common disdain and mistrust of the gluttonously greedy, drug-therapy based, western medicine. He went through hell, just getting diagnosed. He has had doctors tell him things about diabetes that are flat out untrue. Many MDs know little. Management techniques are greviously insufficient and diabetes remains very profitable for drug companies. Meanwhile, proper info, care and even medical supplies are elusive to the diabetic. But bear with me, there is a positive side to this story. I went out of the country to get properly diagnosed, used herbs, alternative therapies and i also found how to use nutrition to control BS, and even shrink tumors. My boyfriend was similarly forging his own path to health management. Frustrated with current methods of insulin-need prediction methods, he used his mathematical skills to create a formula that more accurately predicts his insulin needs. We met a year ago. He was doing such a good job of controlling the highs (A1C of 5.7) that he didnt realize he was falling out in seizures several times a week. He didnt know where he was getting the bloody knuckle from in the morning. He had been seizing. I started recording and monitoring with him. We combined our alternative therapies and brought greater stability to his BS. I want to lay it out here in hopes of helping someone else.
    1. Eat “zero” foods all day long. This helps to flush the liver. Cucumber, bok choy, spinach, radish, turnip, dandelion greens. I was doing it for cancer it barely raises his BS. The pancreas is attached to the liver. The liver is impaired in both cancer and diabetes. Clean it!
    2. Stay alkali with chlorella, spirulina or wheatgrass powders in water. This boosts the nutrients needed to heal and curbs hunger that is insatiable in the diabetic.
    3. Add raw cacao beans to your diet. Munch on them all day. This helps to support the adrenal system that is overtaxed from the constant highs and lows. Feeling weepy or emotional or angry is often a sign of an overburdened adrenal gland.
    4. Add nuts all day long. Everything except peanuts. Keep it varied. Walnuts, pistachios, macadamia, pecans, filberts. This keeps weight on and, helps to stabilize the blood sugar.
    5. I know this one will seem impossible or at least contrary to what you know, but no refined sugars, if at all possible. Use real sugars…fruit, a spoonful of raw honey if you are low.
    And now the crown jewel of our system…his formula. May it work for you as well.
    Carbs minus fiber equals “active carbs.”
    Active carbs in grams …times .16* equals the amount of fast acting insulin needed. He is using apidra currently.
    He pre-doses, right before a meal, if his BS is normal (100).
    If it is low, (say 70) a shorter predose time. Dose only 15 minutes before eating.
    If it is high, (180) longer predose. Dose 45 minutes before eating.
    He takes into account the carb-release speed of the food he is about to eat. Dates and honey, even oats will be pretty quick to raise BS. Dose first.
    Beans, however, take a really long time to release. He may start eating before dosing to prevent a low from the insulin acting before the carbs do.
    Legumes are more difficult to guage, slower, except peas which act more like a vegetable, fairly quick like carrots.

    * this formula may be different for you. If he exercises every day he reduces the multiplier to .14

    He waits 2 hours after a dose to test. He can eat nuts, cacao beans and zero foods all day. He goes out to chinese about once a month but predoses about 10 units. “Foods” you cannot find at our house is bread, soda, gatorade or even packaged juices.

    I hope this helps someone. We are working on an app that more accurately predicts BS using his formula and also on a scanning device than tests blood sugar levels without pricking the finger. We currently prick the heel of the hand to prevent finger tip nerve damage and we always use alcohol to clean the site. These are little things they fail to tell you even on the diabetes site.

    After a year he has cut his basal dose in half.
    It is rare that his BS hits as high as 200,
    And seizures from BS drops are rare.

    Good luck

  135. The real kicker is that in addition to having to manage my Type I diabetes through diet, insulin, and exercise, I also have to deal with all the social aspects of this disease. I don’t think people that do not have Type I diabetes can really understand the kind of unrelenting stress of dealing with this disease. You have to think about food and count carbs at every meal. Test your blood sugar multiple times a day. Adjust insulin dosages based on food, blood-sugar. Always carry glucose tabs, blood-glucose meter and strips, insulin, syringes, etc everywhere you go. There is no escape, and there are no days off. If you neglect your diabetes, you feel like crap and get physically tired and stressed out. Things that normal people wouldn’t give a second thought, you have to obsess over. It takes its toll either way. At the end of the day, people with Type I diabetes can’t compete with non-diabetics in many areas because 1. So much of their time and energy is consumed by managing this disease 2. Diabetics will be put into “difficult social situations” by participating in activities with non-diabetics who have little or no empathy or understanding for what it means to live with diabetes. Diabetes is an ugly disease; peoples’ natural reaction is to distance themselves from ugly things. 3. Diabetics can’t handle the stress of modern life as well as non-diabetics because it negatively affects their blood sugar control. Diabetes is a stress magnifier!

    I’ve come to the conclusion, I’ll just have to work a lot harder than everyone else to achieve the same level of success.

    1. Hi,

      Thank you for your comment!

      I’ve come to the conclusion, I’ll just have to work a lot harder than everyone else to achieve the same level of success.

      Precisely. I’m nearly 20 years into this disease, and the perception and ignorance of others hasn’t changed. Of course, not everyone is callous about it, they simply don’t take the time to understand the difficulties of Type 1.

      It is a balancing act and there are no vacations, even when everyone is off their routines.

  136. “sharath on July 3rd, 2009 12:34 am
    …my gf left me because i am diabetic and i hate it absolutely and feel like killing myself and i hate myself”

    ” Scooby on August 25th, 2010 3:55 pm
    I have spent my entire life depressed and have tried often to just kill myself because you can’t see any hope w/ type 1 diabetes. Really where is the light.”

    “Maya on July 15th, 2009 12:18 am
    Sometimes, I just want to overdose on insulin on purpose. Sometimes, a coma, doesn’t sound like a bad option. At least I’ll get some well-needed sleep until someone pulls the plug.”

    The truth is all T1 diabetics have had a moment where giving up looks like an option. I feel like these are the most ignored aspects of being a T1 diabetic. It’s not angst or something one just gets over. I’m not a teenager or child newly diagnosed. I’m an almost 30 year old professional who has been dealing with this for over a decade & I have felt it more than I care to admit.

    You know, as a diabetic, how easy it would be to give up. You know pulling a little more insulin into that pen or syringe or pump could give you the giddiness that can come with hypoglycemia right before the peace of eternal sleep. I’m not making suggestions & I’m not advocating. What I AM doing, though years late, is letting these people I quoted know I heard them.

    Sometimes this disease takes a bite out of you that becomes an infected hole. For some it’s the shame or guilt of going low in a populated or dangerous situation. For some it’s the powerlessness of losing control while doing everything right. For others it can be the creeping shadow that becomes resignation toward the whole damn thing. Just because you consider cancer or HIV or COPD a bigger hole does not diminish the importance of the holes in a T1.

    I’m sorry we’re too greedy as a people to take cures seriously & solely use charity to generate money for further ‘treatment’. I’m sorry we’re too ignorant a people to be silent when uneducated about a disease. I’m sorry we’re too selfish a people to put down our problems & see the T1 in our life feels they are walking in a body that’s broken & might need a hand or an ear or just a fucking pancreas.

  137. Yet again, as everyone has said on here I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been a diabetic since I was 8 and I’m now 20. I’m also coeliac and now anaemic. My controls were good at home where I had little to worry about but living on my own they have just got worse and worse. I’m done with it all, the daily stress of it always on your mind when you next have to test it, not being able to snack, no one understanding you need to eat at regular times. Leading a normal life with high or low blood sugar, even thinking about travelling is virtually impossible, being tied down to numerous doctors and reguar medication, let alone meeting people and trying to avoid the fact your life is a time bomb. So to be a normal teenager at universtiy I ignored it, I inject a set amount and eat what I want when I want. Feeling like a normal human being is amazing,but obviously isn’t realistic as my HBC1 is obviously appauling and the doctor reels of the complications that will make your life hell but right now you don’t care. ANd the worst thing is, having a mother who had breast cancer and knowing all the horrendous diseases out there that seem so much fworse you then feel selfish for hating it so much but the fact is diabetes does ruin your life and it isn’t fair.

  138. I am SO relieved to have found this site… and others who truly, TRULY understand the heartaches and severe depression caused by this disease. I am 45 and was diagnosed with T1 over a year and a half ago. I remember that day in the ER like it was yesterday. After seeing all the signs myself, and knowing what it was but preying it was not true, and going from one doctor to another who said “oh that’s not what this is, I’m sure of it, but we’ll do that blood test, just to put your mind at ease” Really!! After being let down by my “dr’s at the time” I put myself in the hospital. Went to the ER knowing this action (although necessary) would change my life forever! And it did! It was devastating news! And I’ve been struggling each and every day with how to cope. And find that when I may come across a moment I think I may actually feel “not too bad” there is ALWAYS a trigger “like a high bs #” to bring me right back to my reality and sink right back into a deep depression. Having T1 sucks!!! It is a helpless feeling trying to live this life each and every day. So great to have you all to talk to. Thanks for listening (reading). I appreciate you all so much and are so glad to meet you.

    1. Hi Caryn,

      Thanks for your comment and I’m sorry you received the T1 diagnosis.

      I would strongly encourage you to meet with a counselor or therapist as you transition into your new T1 lifestyle. They might have some ideas for managing the frustration and anxiety.

      Also, I have personally noticed that BOTH high and low blood sugar will affect my moods. For me, any sugar above 200 produces a depressed, sad, dreary feeling. Anything under 60 produces an agitated, anxious, combative feeling. Explain to others that your sugar (believe it or not) will affect your personality from time to time.

      I have been reporting these symptoms to my doctors for years. I’m surprised no one has studied the link between extreme blood sugar levels in T1s with mood and depression.

      You might find your depression lifts after a solid 1-2 weeks of average BS readings below 150 (but that can be very challenging in and of itself for people new to the disease).

  139. Thank you for responding to my post. I really appreciate the support. Interesting what you said about bs’s affecting moods. I have also experienced anxiety and agitation when I’ve gotten lows 70 and below. Until getting used to what to expect, it had also been quite scary. Add that to the daily frustration and stress level from trying to deal with this illness. It has been like a roller coaster since diagnosis, to get my bs’s stable…since the progression of my T1 has been slow but also very unpredictable. My current Endocrine thinks I have T1.5 LADA. And with that has come a very uncertain journey. So just when I think I’ve gotten the hang of my (so challenging and frustrating) regimen… my bs’s start fluctuating, then meds need adjusting. And this has happened over and OVER again over the last year and a half. It makes me crazy just when I’ve gotten my diet in a good place, where I know how various foods effect me, eating as healthy as possible…I am then totally thrown off mentally and physically, and feel like I have to start everything over from scratch. Figuring out all over what and when to eat how much insulin needed. Uuuugggh!! Had started seeking help from the beginning and have been talking to someone 1-2x a week. I think I still have a very long time to come for some peace in my life. Having this illness has turned my once together life, completely upside down. Thank you so much again for being there to talk to.

  140. I have had Type 1 Diabetes for about 5 years, 13 yrs. old.

    There’s a lot of frustration I have to deal with sometimes, and honestly ik I could have something much worse, but it still . . . I hate it more than I can put into words.

    My identical twin doesn’t need to have it, why do I? Why did I need to get it? I’ll probably never know. It’s so hard to control it. I’ve had two 400+’s in blood sugar just in the past two days a lone! I go high a lot, and low at the most terrible times. It ruins everything. It ruins what I want to do, what I havenplanned for the day. Everything, sometimes. I feel like crying. It’s so unfair. So so so so so unfair.

    I just pray for myself and all of you guys that are struggling with it right now that there’ll be a cure soon.

  141. Amazingly I came across this blog after writing ‘type 1 diabetes is a struggle’ on google during an emotionally low moment. I’m so glad I found you guys.

    I’ve been T1D for 7 months now. On top of that my diagnosis came at the beginning of my second year of a very challenging university course. And it’s been so terribly terribly hard, trying to stay on top of my studies, as well as realising that academically I’m slipping so much compared to the ‘good student with the good grades’ I was last year. With me what pisses me off with this condition so much is a) how life limiting it can be and b) how you have to have a full length academic conversation with a stranger to get them to understand 1/10 of how hard your life just became, followed by that glazed over eye look they give you, and you know full well that they will never understand or comprehend how hard it can be. I’m really into my sports, running and cycling mostly. I’ve chosen that this condition won’t stop me from doing the things I love. But at the same time it’s now so hard. I’m in injections atm, so I either have to adjust my 24hr insulin the day BEFORE I want to exercise, and then run slightly high all day until I exercise (in order to exercise without hypo’s) or not adjust it at all and constantly have hypo’s during a run/ride and feel sick from eating so many glucose tablets and sweets while exercising. Added to the pain I feel from every injection, and feeling like a human pin cushion now because of all the injections and (while exercising) the frequent stops to check blood sugar. I’m sick of always planning my metabolic day 24hrs in advance, and having to turn down spontaneous runs or cycle rides with friends and family because I’m not set up for it insulin wise 🙁 It’s so unfair. It could have happened to anyone, but it happened to us. And it can be such a burden.

    And you guys are so right, I go super aggressive and angry when I’m low, and compeletely depressive/apathetic/super emotional at the littlest tiny things when I go high. I had never expected that high’s and low’s would have such a profound psycho-emotional impact but they have. It’s reassuring to read that it’s not only happened to me.

    Right, venting aside.

    Caryn, having read through your comments, you could be going through the honeymoon period? Just in case you haven’t come across this before. For new T1D’s undergoing insulin therapy, some, but not all of the beta cells in the pancreas will briefly regenerate and produce a tiny tiny amount of insulin. This is usually enough to screw up your blood glucose control, as there will always be an little bit of extra insulin released into your system intermittently. The period can last from 3months to several years. I only mention this because prior to December, I was in a similar boat to you. I kept getting stupid and unexpected lows at random moments in the day… In December my beta cells finally gave up the ghost and now calculating is a lot easier, and my control has subsequently got a lot more predictable and easier (especially for the exercise).

    I hope the above is of some help to you 🙂

    Never give up, never stop fighting, never stop pushing the envelope. #FurtherFasterHarder

  142. Hi Andy. Thank you so much for reading my comments and for taking the time to share some info. You are so amazing and god bless the strength you have! How do you do it. I find the emotional roller coaster this disease has taken me on has been the worst part of it all. I just haven’t figured out how to cope with this illness and its daily grind…both mentally as well as physically. Yes! I feel the same as you do….the injections do hurt. I just have not found any way, after trying anything and everything to make it easier, has helped the pain of injection. It is miserable each and every time. It either hurts from injection or burns from the insulin. Either way not fun!
    The emotional struggle I’m sure has a lot to do with the now inconsistencies with my bs readings. The past few months they’ve been ALL OVER the place and so hard to control.

    You did mention something about the Honeymoon Phase that doctors didn’t explain. The little bit of extra insulin the beta cells release and especially that can be released intermittently. That is the key word that not one medical professional had shared. They just told me about this phase, and there is this temporary period where it seems like your pancreas is working, but they said there is no way to tell how long it will last, for some…months and for others years. That didn’t give me any sense of peace, it actually added to the stress I was feeling. The unsure part is the worst. Until the end of the honeymoon phase, and the uncertainty of how long this will go on is where I feel like it’s a constant battle to get my #’s to stay within a reasonable range, and it’s pure insanity! Thank you so much again for the information, it did make something unknown, make so much more sense. And I really appreciate the words of encouragement. 🙂

  143. Good! I’m glad it helped. And yep, I hate the injections, hurts on the way in, stings for a bit while it’s in, and then do you ever get like a dull throb in the injection site for the next 5-10 minutes. It’s enough to drive you crazy. And yeah, you’re totally right, it’s a huge emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been up, down, left, right and centre since this damn thing began. While I was still in honeymoon controlling my BS’s was terribly difficult. I remember averaging about 2-3 hypo’s per run in the initial months, and then skyrocketing after my run to silly values, and then having to take even more insulin to come back down off the high. Total see-saw. I understand what you’re going through, and how hard it can be to keep it together and moving forward. Just remember none of this is your fault, although it might be worth taking legal action against your beta cells for breach of contract 😛 IE sodding off when they had no right to. Stay positive and pro-active Caryn, it’ll stabilise. 😀

    #ForTheFinish

  144. Good Morning, woke an hour ago at 45. Juice box and a few ginger cookies later, unable to sleep. I wrote my first blog on this web-site Oct.16 last year when extremely frustrated with having type one for 49 years. I turned 50, lost my job, finally got a much needed divorce and had a disability trial – ALL in January!! Never thought I’d see 50. I surrendered to this disease many months ago. I am a “brittle” diabetic, presently not working (miss it) but taking the much needed, .necessary time to learn new ways of dealing with this God Awful disease. Walking, meditating, prayer and ACA Recovery helps. It addresses the shame and self destructive nature that this disease imposes on all of us. I will get back to work – on a part time basis. I don’t recommend this to those that have no means of supporting themselves without working. But we NEED to accept, without delay that we’ve got this for the long haul. I accept others with diseases and when able – help out. So why don’t I start with myself first? Treat myself with compassion as I would a friend. Get mad at it, scream, curse, hell throw things if you must(be careful)let the tears flow. Yes, the roller coasters occur but life throws so many curves/curses but as long as I accept myself as I am, I am better suited to handle what comes down the pike. That doesn’t mean stand in the line of traffic but ride with it. I’d love to have the ability to hug each and everyone of us – so if you’re reading this – STOP. take a deep breath, wrap your arms around yourself and repeat “I Love You, We’ll get through this” That’s my Blessing to you all.

    1. Hi Dante,

      Thank you for your wonderful, empathetic comment. I’m happy you’re taking time to prioritize your T1, but more importantly refreshing your mindset. T1 is a physical disease but it requires a specific mental flexibility that you describe perfectly. You can’t be a perfectionist about it, or else one or two bad days will throw you into a depression. You can’t be nonchalant either, or else your long term quality of life could deteriorate.

      Like balancing your sugar, balancing your mind is key. And yes, having T1 myself has made me incredibly aware of how others with chronic conditions suffer, often quietly and in isolation.

  145. Commented on here a couple of years ago. Age 46, Type 1, 24 years now, I prey I don’t make it to 25. Diabetes has fucked up everything I’ve ever tried to do. Lost everything I’ve worked for and lead a pointless life all because of this shit. I wish I could die right now.

    1. Hi Darren,

      I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles. I f*cking hate this disease like nothing else in life. It is not only physically uncomfortable, but mentally painful. And attempting to explain the stress to a non-T1 is usually met with ignorant responses: “Just take a pill” or “Try X diet” or “Don’t eat sweets”.

      It complicates anything and EVERYTHING needlessly. While I’ve never been a “go where the wind blows” type of person, T1 removes any semblance of spontaneity from my life. I have to “plan” to do something random, rather than just do it.

      I can only say that when my blood sugars are tightly controlled, my depression and stress level begin to disappear. Let’s be real: sustained blood sugars below 70 or above 200 are going to screw with your head. Anyone who’s been deep hypoglycemic or above 250 will tell you they just feel like shit.

      Are you using a CGM and pump? Honestly, they have helped me. But what has helped even more is seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression. They can’t treat your diabetes, but they can offer some perspective on ways to approach your life.

      T1 does screw everything up, but there is hope if you take time for yourself. No one should blame you for wanting to get better. I hope you comment again soon and can update us on your status.

  146. Thanks for the reply. I’ll be honest, I’ve given up. Been seeing therapists for severe anxiety and chronic depression for as long as I can remember. I’m sedated up to the eyeballs but don’t feel any better. I have no energy ever, everyday is a struggle just to get through. My bloods were pretty stable but I really don’t care what they are now, like I say, I’ve given up. Not being able to work has cost me everything, now the money vultures continue to pick at the bones of my misfortune. I’m ashamed of the sad pathetic mess I’ve turned into.

    1. Hi Darren,

      There’s nothing to be ashamed about: this disease is a rarity by most standards. Many people do not understand the stress and complexity it brings to everyday life.

      Just tonight, I had to pullover on the highway and sit in my car for 30 minutes because I was going low. Luckily, I had juice to drink. But I was late for a social engagement and was naturally exposed to danger on the side of a major road.

      Tell the debt collectors to go fuck themselves. Apologies if my language offends anyone. If you live in the USA, Type 1 is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and you should have some rights and flexibility regarding your health, finances, and employment.

      This shitty disease is a moneymaker for everyone except the T1 diabetic. I sincerely hope your therapists are helping you identify what you value most in life, and ways to focus on feeling better. It will take time and playing around with meds. Eventually, the depression and anxiety will dissipate.

      In the meantime, reach out to people who care about you for support and companionship. There are decent people who care and will want to help you feel better; if nothing else, spend some quality time together. This supersedes T1 itself.

  147. I don’t mind being TD1, but i hate the weight gain… I had diabetes for 7 years now and gain 10 lbs due to insulin… i work out 3 to 6 times a week and NO effect… woman care about how they look… for this TD1 is sucks…

    1. Hi Alexys,

      You’re right, being well regulated on insulin actually causes weight gain. People with T1D who have *not* been diagnosed yet will lose weight unexpectedly or begin to appear very thin. This is from elevated blood sugar levels causing glucose and ketones to be passed in urine.

      It is certainly troubling for women, because weight gain is less acceptable for women in general. I would ask your doctor about trying a lower carb diet. Make sure to make any insulin changes slowly.

      T1D is an invisible disease, because most people can’t tell from the outside that you’re diabetic unless they can see you wearing a medical device. As a result, people will judge you as healthy when they should be empathetic and supportive.

  148. like others on here, I found this page by searching I hate type 1 diabetes! I just want to say thank you to everyone who shared. I think by this point in the conversation I would only restate all the annoyances that everyone else has shared. It sucks! The day today tedious and thought consuming part of the disease is as bad as the symptoms. Peace to all of you!

  149. Just knowing That lots of other people suffer the way I do..has taken a huge weight off my shoulders, I’m a t1d and have been for eight years. I hate it. But the fact Tha no one understands just seems to make it even harder..so to all the people that left comments here, ur all beautiful people and u have no idea how something as simple as leaving a comment on here has truly taken me out of a black hole iv been in..thanks u so much, uv all done more for me then you’ll ever know!

  150. I have it as well I fucking hate it I see every one eat right in front of me and my blood level is like 15.5 and that just makes me want to kill my self and ya I get why you hate it It sucks a lot well I hope they make a cure because It needs to burn in hell

  151. Hello Fellow T1’s – I drove my son to camp yesterday. A 2.5-3 hr. ride & had to return back home. My own father lives 1/2 hour away from camp, he has T1 and I had asked him if I could stay with him. A)spend time with him B)avoid the long ride home. His response was yes at first then he changed his mind for his own emotional reasons. God love him but I needed him. I have to redo this trip this Sat and be at the camp by 9. So I guess I’ll be leaving at 6:30 to drive up and back in one trip. “REGULAR” people don’t think anything of this. I’m exhausted and yes, my sugar level last night was 134 at bed and woke to 357 today – yippy!! Now, If I were working, I’d be double stressed because my mind would be on the job and my sugar level. I’ve had this “thing” for 50yrs and only 50yrs old. So for those of us who continue to awaken, face the day and try to do this best we can – I COMMEND US. I can stay in the destructive thinking or let someone know I’m frustrated – such as you guys (Bless You) Then, turn my attention to the next right thing for me to do and give my heart to God ’cause He knows my pain and aggravation. It’s a complicated disease, life and can be self defeating BUT I’ll be damned anymore if I’m gonna let this get my soul in a dark place . . . at least for today. So please, yell, scream, beat this thing. We’re all here for a purpose – I’m still looking for mine. Hang in there. Blessings to Us All!!

  152. hi i am wake now because my blod sugar is low… I am going up realy early next morning and cant og to bed, because i got to eat something. I have had diabetes for over ten years now and I am starting to Get real tired of it and I am only 14 years old.. I liv ein norway and have all the medeier I need so I got no reason to complain, but I am sick of dealing with this and dont kone how others with diabetes Even make it. i would realy like to hear something positive to make me feel better. I hope for a cure to some how end it. Thx for reading please response

    1. Hi, I’m very sorry about your T1 Diabetes. I’ve had it for 18 years. It does not get any easier. The stress, unpredictable blood sugars and strict lifestyle are tough at your age. However, how you think and feel about diabetes can change your outlook on life.

      The fact you took time to tell others about your diabetes is positive. No one will ever understand your suffering and desperation unless you share it. Keeping it inside only increases feelings of isolation and loneliness.

      I encourage you to speak with a therapist or support group. There is strength among those who know your struggles. They should help you process your feelings. T1 Diabetes also predisposes people to depression, which is something else to consider. It’s completely understandable to feel hopeless at some point because the disease touches every aspect of your life.

      Good luck and feel free to comment further. You are not alone. There are good people willing to help you through this difficult condition.

  153. Glad there are others out there who feel like me.I fucking hate having T1D, I hate everything to do with this fucking disease but as always I have to suck it up.

  154. Hi everyone

    I am from Singapore and was diagnosed with T1 7 months ago. I share the same feelings of frustration and loss as everyone here. My BG was well controlled after diagnosis and was on low insulin doses. But I’m seeing bigger swings in my BG in the recent 2 weeks even though I catered the same amount of insulin as before. My doctor suspects that the honeymoon phase could be seeing an end. This is so frustrating because I was still trying so hard to adapt and things just have to get worse.

    Another big frustration i have with T1 is the fact no one can seem to explain to you why it happened. Yes I understand it’s an autoimmune condition, but what is the underlying cause of it? My family members do not have T1. The first doctor whom I saw upon diagnosis described T1 as a condition that “bangs and just happens because of pure bad luck”. Seriously?? I have to deal with this pure bad luck for the rest of my life unless a cure is found!! So depressing.

    Like everyone here, I really pray for a cure to be found soon.

  155. Luboom, #172, July 2, 2015 – don’t know if you will get back to reading this but thanks for your post – it is affirming in so many ways and at so many levels; honest and knowing and absent the patronizing bs you see so much from those that want to make you feel better but have no idea what they are talking about. I’m in my 6th year of this dastardly journey and I hope to make it for another 60 – well that’s basically impossible since I’m a late bloomer and my dx was at 52! I too am greatful to all my fellow T1D brothers and sisters who have shared and a special shout out to Darren, #167, April 26, 2015 – I really really hope you are doing better just because I do.

  156. After reading and relating to so many posts here, I decided to add a post as well. I’m 43 and have had type1 for 29 years. Does anybody ever wonder if the depression all of us seem to have on some level comes from something more than just the blood sugar ups and downs? I have wondered if it’s the genetically modified medicine we are forced to inject could be reeking havoc with our brain chemistry? I was always upbeat and positive when I first started using insulin long ago. I began feeling anxious and gradually more depressed over the years since using lantus, levemir,humalog, etc. Of course I’ve gotten older but it feels like poison is what I’m using to treat my disease. There’s no alternatives, we will sadly be desperate victims of a healthcare system that turns a blind eye to doing any long term studies on the meds. They don’t know the effects nor do they want to know, they’re too busy making a “new and improved” version they can charge out the wazoo for because they modified it a little and gotten a new patent on. Our misery is the byproduct of their fortune. It’s frustrating to go to the doctor, they are obviously all about their own paychecks as well. The more complications you develope, the more money they make. They get to prescribe more meds, refer you to their specialist friends who get to start collecting their copays and med kickbacks, etc. such a sad, sad racket. It’s all so incredibly hopeless. I did have one good doctor whom I expressed my honest feelings to, he told me I was right! He said to do whatever I can to lower my sugars without insulin(exercise more, eat less,etc.). because most of the bad complications actually come from taking the exogenous insulin itself, our bodies don’t like it. It’s a chemical/drug, completely foreign. But at this time we have no other option. Theres so much more I want to rant about, but this is already too long,sorry. But I am overwhelmed because my 18 year old son was just diagnosed with type 1 too:(. He’s only heard me complain about all the inconveniences and all that this disease has rob me of over the years, so if I try to be positive and tell him things will be O.K., he knows I would be lying. I’m just so sad for him, I want to scream!

    1. Hello, thank you for your comment.

      My sympathies to both you and your newly diagnosed son. He’s going to be facing many struggles in the coming months, both physical and psychological. While he may have internalized some of your frustrations with T1D and might feel hopeless, the fact you are still alive and kicking is evidence the disease is survivable.

      That doesn’t make the stress, letdowns and depression any easier.

      I haven’t heard insulin contributes/causes psychological side effects. That said, this should be studied, because it is not “natural” to one’s body per se. For example, Novolog is an insulin “analog”. That means it is not human, but an “analogous” creation using rDNA (recombinant DNA).

      I agree: the treatment is more profitable than the cure. After diagnosis, some doctor was telling me every 3 years, “The cure is just around the corner”.

      Nope. I did upgrade to an insulin pump and CGM from shots. But I’m still shooting insulin, pricking fingers and no “cure” has been offered in 18 years.

  157. Hi folks, been reading a few of these post’s I’m a type 1, I’m 31 years old and have had this since 13. Fair to say on the diet front I am rubbish, I basically eat what I like, always have apart from the the first couple of careful unknown years. I am the first and only person in my family to have this, so naturally think wtf how did this happen to me! I do say to myself alot just get over it ffs, but anytime I sit and think about it, it still pisses me right off. I now have the worry of one of my 3 beautiful daughters catching this disease, that would be horrible for them. My sugar control is generally fine, I rarely test during the day and tend to go by how I physically feel to judge where sugar levels are, unless going for a lengthy drive which I test. My long term test results are good, I basically take more injections to counter the extra food I eat, so diet wise its rubbish, control sugar level wise its fine. I’m on 14.5 stone and 6/ft tall so only slightly over weight.

    I recently managed to get in to the Police Force, the medical dragged on but the attitude was generally positive towards me getting in, first police doc was a dick, second one very helpful and my clinic supported me.

    Despite having a good reading last week they still found a way for me to leave the clinic feeling negative, as blood pressure was a bit high etc. So hard to get a positive with diabetes or feel good about it. The nurses are all great at my local clinc and try to keep things positive however when it comes to the nitty gritty I’ve not left the clinc once feeling positive which is a shame really. Feel like I’m self pity here, I know there are worse conditions, that cannot be ignored and I have sympathy for these people, but that aside diabetes is a proper nightmare. I read an article from a doctor today stating they would rather have HIV than diabetes, who would have thought that eh? But reading the article his points were all spot on. Anyway moan over, away to inject myself, Again; take care folks, positive attitude helps but that’s difficult to have.

  158. I get how you feel 100% Its a burden to our lives and we have to deal with this shit every. single. day. just to stay alive. Yet our lives are ruined by stuff like having to have drivers license redone, unable to do activities like scuba diving, flying etc. AGH I HATE IT!!!!

  159. I’ve posted on this site over the last few years. I always come back when feeling low and read through everyone’s struggles. Not wanting to trawl through others people’s misery but it is comforting to know other people ( all over the world) are going through the same hardship. It’s comforting to know the fault does not lie in ourselves but this bastard disease. Good luck everyone. Kevin; started this may 1987 and not going down without a fight.

  160. Hi, iv had diabetes since i was 16 & im 26 now so iv had it for 10 years. I hate diabetes & i hate how it affects my life. The longer i have it, the more i consider death. But my friend says all the dead want is to be alive so i might regret killing myself lol. Its just so hard having this disease & i just dont see it ever getting better. Along with all the fears of going blind or losing a foot etc
    Im just so sick of it all. I hate diabetes more than anything in this world!!

  161. Oh and im type 1, i have to inject myself with insulin 4 times a day, i live in south africa so theres no insulin pumps here and i dont hav money so i get shitty insulin from goverment hospital and its a teaching hospital so everytime i go its some new almost doctor that doesnt know shit and doesnt care.

  162. I’ve had type 1 since 1997. Now I am equipped with a pump and CGM, but still it’s an everyday struggle. Today I ate properly, bolused for it and went to exercise. During my workout I went high, and no, this wasn’t an overlooked low. It drove me mad. I went out of the gym and stuffed chocolate into my face. You know what i hate most – being low and having to pretend nothing is going on. I work as a teacher and have to treat my lows in the toilet, then come back to classroom
    quickly and pretend everything is fine.

  163. Anyone else forget how it like to be normal? I don’t remember the last time I didn’t stress about my levels. I’d kill to feel the feeling again.

  164. I remember, vaguely.

    Although I’ve had it for 16 years I vaguely remember going to all night raves and taking better fucking drugs than insulin. Dancing all night, not having to care about whether my sugars are 27 or 1.7. Not giving a shit about having to take my night time injections or having to take out a pack of sugar testing paraphernalia just to sit in a pub and have a few beers.

    My friends didn’t understand and the few that I have just see me as an inconvenience. My wife says she understands but she doesn’t, if she did she would understand why I get into the rages when my sugars are off the scale high just for eating a bowl of cereal, then the following day they are low as fuck.

    I remember being told when I was diagnosed how a cure was round the corner.

  165. I remember, vaguely.

    Although I’ve had it for 16 years I vaguely remember going to all night raves and taking better fucking drugs than insulin. Dancing all night, not having to care about whether my sugars are 27 or 1.7. Not giving a shit about having to take my night time injections or having to take out a pack of sugar testing paraphernalia just to sit in a pub and have a few beers.

    My friends didn’t understand and the few that I remain just see me as an inconvenience. My wife says she understands but she doesn’t, if she did she would understand why I get into the rages when my sugars are off the scale high just for eating a bowl of cereal, then the following day they are low as fuck.

    I remember being told when I was diagnosed how a cure was round the corner.

  166. 12 years ago i was told “A cure is only 5 years away”.. i hate this shit hate that i am at best surviving not living, hate that people who smoke drink abuse their body take it for granted..
    i have never smoked or drank or taken any shit but nope your fucked now …

  167. Sometimes I just wonder if it would’ve been better if I had some fatal disease and at least be done with it. Anyway someone mentioned remembering how it feels like to be “normal”, well, I do remember(when I just got diagnosed which was around 5 years ago) that in the start I felt so horrible. I’m not sure if it’s the insulin, the dead organ in your body or some other impact cause by diabetes, but it’s impossible to explain the feeling – just horrible. And I remember slowly getting used to this new reality and now it seems normal… whatever, I guess I’m too young to talk properly about it… Maybe I’ll be able to understand myself one day. Oh and sorry but just had to type this out somewhere, and yes I know that I don’t make much sense and that the fatal disease comment was really inconsiderate, but I’m just an asshole like that I guess…

  168. Fuck you God, when I die you send me to hell again. But you give me a hell life anyway you fuckin asshole.
    You should give life to anyone if you just to punish them just to live.

    1. I often have the same feelings towards any “God” that might exist.

      Hence, I’ve become a staunch agnostic atheist. I realize — in many ways — belief in God is an anti-anxiety therapy for some, a way of finding meaning for others; a moral guide for some, a supervisor for others; a spiritual experience for some, a total solution for others.

      I do not disrespect or disdain those who believe. I only question whether similar belief is good for me. Since it is not, I excuse myself from the religious self-identity.

  169. im only 16 but ive had diabetes since i was 17 months old. im going through a rough patch and by that i mean about a year where ive given up knowing i have this shitty disease for the rest of my life. im getting shat on by my family and medical team and no matter what i do i can never seem to please them. can someone cheer me up or give me advice xx

    1. Hi, very sorry to hear about your situation. A few things came to mind which might help you.

      1. I empathize with the feelings of isolation. No one except other Type 1s can understand the struggle. Even then, others have different lives and their diabetes affects them differently. Doctors have it easy: 20 minute appointments and best wishes. But they aren’t there 3 weeks later when you’re low and need to pull off the highway for emergency sugar.

      2. You’ve lived with this a long time, longer than most. Can you speak with a counselor or support group to make sure you’re not becoming depressed? About half of all Type 1s have depression in their life. It’s understandable, isn’t it? Who else has this burden? Please talk to someone, particularly people knowledgeable about the disease. A group of other Type 1s would be best.

      3. Teenage years are tough both physically and mentally. Physically, you’re growing on a monthly basis, eating constantly and sleep odd hours. Mentally you’re facing young adult pressures and school or work. Blood sugars quickly get out of control when the body is full of growth hormones. Stress, schedules and eating only complicate matters. I’m surprised doctors haven’t been easier.

      The anxiety of Type 1 is deafening. One tough days, I “take Type 1 diabetes one finger prick at a time.” I don’t think about the years of struggle behind me or ahead of me. Stay in the present, with the next few hours in mind. Last week’s sugars are history, next week’s sugars are a mystery. 🙂 Control what you can now.

  170. You forgot the best one. Being judged by your endo when you’re HBA1C isn’t exactly in the range that they’ve now decided is desirable, even though it’s different to the one they told you was ideal the last time you went to see them. Because, you know shifting the goal posts makes everyone feel great.

    1. Hi, wow, your doctors are changing A1C goals? Was that something they did unilaterally or did a medical association change its standards? In the USA, the goal is 7 or less. 6.5-7 is considered well-controlled and ideal. But if your own doctor is just making things up, that’s really unfair. Is he/she trying to motivate you to set high goals?

      Even though I’m polite and grateful for their time, I do get frustrated with Endo doctors. I sweat it out for 4-5 months day and night. Then see them for 20 minutes to get insulin prescriptions and criticized. 🙂 They maintain objectivity by being detached and frequently unempathetic to the reality of the disease. It’s every minute for us. They forget us after the appointment is over and get a good night’s rest.

      I’ve long thought Endos should be paired with mental health counselors experienced with chronic disease treatment. In reality having a healthy, productive, anxiety-free mindset makes Type 1 management much easier. Also, many diabetics experience intense stress, anxiety and depression in their lifetime at least once. Why not get them a counselor to talk over any symptoms before things get worse?

      Good luck, I hope you reach the doctor’s goal. And I hope he/she stops with the nonsense.

  171. I actually never see the same endo twice in a row. They don’t seem to read the last one’s notes and see the reason my result wasn’t in range was because I had an serious infection after an operation and they’re doing a study on long-term diabetics and want to present results showing they’re doing a bang up job to get some grant / pay rise / bonus / whatever only if everyone gets 6.5 – 7.0. Mine was 8.2. Stopped caring what they want now. I’m healthy, have both my eyes and both my feet after 38 years of riding the T1D bronco.

  172. Hey, all in 46 male who was diagnosed with this fucking disease. I ended up in the hospital for a week 4 years ago with a blood sugar level of 556.2 mg/dl ( 30.9) for us Canucks. what a ball breaker my whole life went to shit tried so hard to be good with food and watch what I eat etc. I know there is no magic pill. I also know that exercise works. here is the kicker I’m also a veteran that suffers from PTSD so stress drives my levels high. I always wonder are there diabetic support groups? Yah sex thing sucks too my wife thinks I don’t love her but I tell her it the sugar levels she just doesn’t get it. People just don’t get it they look at me think I’m normal and don’t get how serious this is I so want to just move and live in the mountains! Wait can’t do that either because I need insulin so without it, my life ends too. Exercise proper diet and willpower.

  173. I can’t believe almost an entire year has passed since I first posted here. I wanted to say thank you “admin” for your kind words, they were very soothing to me at that time. Reading everyone’s posts and writing my own, was more cathartic than anything I’ve ever experienced since having this disease(30yrs). It all helped me get in the right place,so to speak, to help my son cope with his new diagnosis. He’s been a trooper, never missed a beat. I know he has a long road to travel(if he’s lucky), with many ups, downs and curves. But, we are just taking things one day at a time.

  174. I keep coming back to this site every couple of years. While it’s all venting and ranting it’s makes me feel good knowing I’m not alone. Some of the confessions have me shedding a tear. Has anyone ever met a type 1 who controls this absolute fuck of a disease? The right mix of exercise, healthy eating,etc? Can anyone point to someone and say they have the answers/the routine we should all be following? Cause I want this fuckers number/email and pick his/her brain about their system. I ask my doctors all the time to put me in touch with a type 1 patient who is mastering this condition. They never provide a name they just talk in generalities ( control your sugar, don’t put on weight, etc). Push ups, swim laps, eat spinach, take a yoga class whatever the magic formula is I’ll do it, just give me the details and I will follow it. All I see in the doctors reception is a bunch of broken down type 2’s going blind and missing limbs, show me the guy/girl who is mastering this! Do they exisit?

    The depression we all feel comes from the inevitability that we know what will kill us, for most people death is a mystery for diabetics we know what will take our lives. The inevitability is what causes the depression.

    1. Dear Kevin, thanks for coming back and commenting. I’m very sorry about your troubles with T1 Diabetes.

      I have been fortunate in recent years to maintain good blood glucose control. My HbA1cs range 6.0-6.8. Currently I use a Medtronic Pump, Novolog Insulin and a Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor.

      I’m happy to offer advice and ideas. First I’ll need to simplify matters and ask a couple questions. *NOTE: I am not a doctor. Just had T1D for 16+ years. Consult a doctor before making any changes to your own treatment plan.

      1. Ignore the Extras
      Managing Type 1 Diabetes is a building process. Start with the basics and later move the extras. Some things are truly “smaller matters” until blood sugar control is better:

      1. Exercise. It is best to exercise with Type 1 Diabetes. I strongly encourage it. But it comes second to sugar management. You can’t worry about it until you’re well managed and able to risk exercising without highs or lows. My control is better when exercising, but I didn’t exercise a bit for many years.
      2. Cholesterol, Kidney, Liver, Thyroid etc. These also come second UNLESS they need immediate treatment. A year of bad cholesterol, high-average TSH or high-average sodium in blood won’t kill you.
      3. Diet. It is best to eat healthily with Type 1 Diabetes. But diet is MORE important with Type 2 than Type 1. Theoretically, Type 1’s can learn to take enough insulin to balance anything from a raw carrot to a sugared soda, or a hamburger to a big dessert. Do not get in the habit of pushing your luck! But realize you can “cheat” your diet if your control is very good.

      2. Questions

      1. What is your current treatment regimen? Please specify shots or pump or both; insulin type(s); and whether you have a continuous glucose monitor (Dexcom, Medtronic make these in the USA).
      2. If you do NOT have a pump or continuous glucose monitor, could you get them? Do you have insurance or savings to purchase them? For the moment, set aside any objections regarding appearance on body or maintenance.
      3. Have you gone to therapy to address any depression or anxiety? Any support groups? Any support after your diagnosis, typically a very lonely and scary time? Sometimes talking with other Type 1s and/or a mental health professional can allay your worries and anger. I found it tremendously helpful to have someone to talk to.

      Let me know, happy to help.

  175. Mark type 1 of 34 years, CONGRATS TO FIGURING OUT A WAY TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER. Maya, a girl who posted not long before you, is talking about dying, LITERALLY WANTING TO DIE because of this insipid disease. 22 years now with this and I’m right there with her. My mom says similar things, “count your blessings” and carries on to include some other horrifying disease to “help me count my blessings”. Someone’s always got to bring in another disease. This is all hell. It is ALL hell. We’re all just living in different neighborhoods of hell. It’s really wonderful you’ve found a place that has allowed you to persevere. Not EVERYONE has, and not EVERYONE will. NOW JUST LET EVERYONE SCREAM AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS BECAUSE THIS LIFE IS SO CRUEL, TOO!!!!!!!!

  176. I don’t have type 1 diabetes but my 16 year old son does and I feel the pain too. It breaks my heart on a daily basis watching him devote his life to this disease. He was a healthy athletic teen when out of the blue began to get sick and went into a diabetic coma because the doctor thought he had the flu. He was in the hospital for over a week and this is where our lives would change forever. I feel so bad for him and I try to do everything possible to make it easier for him by adding carbs in his meals and making sure he has all meds available. He knows how to do all of these things but it becomes overwhelming for him sometimes. Most people don’t understand that this is a 24 hour a day forever thing. I would do anything to take this dreadful disease from him and give him my pancreas. He has a Dexcom now which helps greatly with monitoring is blood sugar but its still a constant up and down. I watch myself monitoring his blood sugar all through the night because lows often come in the night and when that Dexcom alarm goes off I feel like my hearts coming out of my chest. Type 1 is so much to deal with and I feel for everyone on this site because I understand as I watch my son deal with it every single day. I hope you all stay healthy and STAY STRONG!

  177. My daughter was diagnosed with T1d almost 6 years ago on her fifth birthday. I hate diabetes. I hate what it has done to my daughter’s life. I try so hard to keep her in control and let her do everything other kids do but it is literally impossible. No matter what you do, the disease ruins everything. I hate pumps, injections, needle pricks, doctor appointments, prescriptions. But what I hate most of all, is constantly asking, when did she finish eating? It is exhausting and no one gets it. No one cares. fuck diabetes

  178. The initial shock and pain of the diagnosis is one thing. But it’s quite another thing to carry that sorrow for years, and the weight of it only gets heavier as time goes on. It’s been nearly nine years since I was diagnosed, and it hasn’t gotten easier. I’m well controlled, but I’m miserable. Type 1 Diabetes controls your life – how could it not? Obsession is the only treatment.

  179. This blog post helped me through a spate of cryabetes this morning, when I inexplicably woke up at 400. I am about to turn 30 and my T1 is about to turn 25. I honestly wish it was the worst thing to ever happen to me, but there have been worse things. What I hate the most is that it complicates everything and determines every major decision I have to make. Growing up under the intentionally broken health care system in the U.S., I had to constantly plan ahead toward a ‘stable career and health insurance,’ which of course is becoming increasingly rarer. The stress of working to establish that stable career is not good for my health. When I get burnt out, I try to remember that we were not intended to survive in a ‘state of nature,’ and I think about the little comatose kids in hospital beds, with their parents watching and waiting for them to die, who came back to life with the miraculous discovery of insulin in the 1920s. I am a pessimist, but it is helpful to remember that every day we are alive is a victory. It sucks to have to be a warrior all the time.

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