Feb
15
I’ve read on the web that those with Borderline Personality Disorder tend to be defined by what ever is going on externally in their lives. That is, Borderlines tend not to have a fully defined inner self that is consistent and pervasive despite the most difficult of matters going on in the outside world.
This aspect of BPD strongly affects me, almost to the point where things that have nothing to do with my self esteem suddenly become measuring sticks for my daily moods and feelings.
For example, I do internet marketing for a living. A large portion of my marketing success is based on ranking websites highly in the major search engines, Google, Yahoo, and MSN.
If I can get a website on the first page of Google for certain keywords, I can create a stream of income.
There are days when the search engines are good: my websites are ranking highly and customers are coming through the doors. This generally means my moods are good as well. I am optimistic and happy.
On other days, however, when my websites have no traffic, or sales are down, I get depressed and pessimisstic. I tend to take longer naps, binge on food, and act irritable around frieds.
The same goes for many other factors in my daily life, including: stock portfolio up or down, payments from customers collected or outstanding, good search engine updates versus bad search engine updates etc.
It is very hard to live a consistent emotional life when one’s intrinsic value is tied to factors 90% beyond one’s control.
This problem is compounded with BPD: some BPD sufferers are literally defined by what goes on around them, and this makes them in a constant state of emotional disarray.
This also leads many to believe that some undiagnosed BPDs are Bipolar, since the violent and seemingly unpredictable mood swings seem uncanny to those not familar with Borderline Personality Disorder.