Lately I’ve been very easily bored. I think this is a symptom of depression. At the same time, I have no motivation or interest to do anything to occupy my time.
The feeling of boredom is at its worse when I’m using my computer. As I’ve written in other posts, I make a living marketing websites. I create websites from scratch, and then join affiliate marketing programs that resell products or services. Money is made when a customer visits my website, clicks on a banner, and then makes a purchase at the participating merchant.
Part of my daily routine is checking to see if I’ve made money at any of the merchants, since the stats update every 24 hours. After logging into my email and taking care of all important correspondence, I surf through the various affiliate programs checking my earnings.
I get a little rush if I see that I’ve had an increase in earnings in a given week, or if I see that I’ve been able to garner a higher number of ad impressions or user clicks.
The problem is, this routine of checking my earnings takes all of 15 minutes. After that, I don’t know what to do with myself, because there is nothing else for me to do that gives me such positive rush like checking weekly earning reports.
As a result, unless I can get motivated to work on maintaining my websites, or writing scripts for my servers, I simply stare at the computer screen blankly and do absolutely nothing.
It’s as if the only thing I had to look forward to for the day was 15 minutes of checking income figures.
Sometimes I have projects to do and kill the rest of my day taking care of these tasks, but days that are not structured generally find me bored to teers, but listless at the same time.
If I was more extroverted and energetic, I’d get myself out to the gym (like I used to do) or out of my apartment to the local mall to browse stores.
Instead, I simply take 1-2 hour naps to pass time, eat recreationally, and watch mindless TV.
If I could find a pill that would give me a boost of energy I would take it in a heart beat.
The worst part is, when I retire for the day and head to bed, suddenly my mind seems to “wake up” and is full of running thoughts.
This makes it near impossible to get to sleep. I find that if I can’t get to bed by 4 AM, I have to take a Klonopin to quiet my mind. A small dosage will usually help me off to sleep, but when I wake up the next day, I’m usually tired and lethargic.
I need to find ways to get my energy and positive emotion gears turning. Most importantly, I need to find ways to create a day for myself that provides lots of different things to look forward to, so that I simply don’t sleep my day away out of boredom and depression.